Life — April 21, 1887 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER: Well, don't you think, Mrs. Munnibags, that perhaps Eveline’s nose appears a little crooked because of the abnormal largeness of her eyes? It occurred to me on Wednesday night, when she was flirting so | outrageously with young De Grote at the cotillon, that they were—ever so slightly, of course, but still unpleasantly starey. Emity: Ob, I hardly think Eveline’s eyes could be called exactly abnormal, Mrs. Vanderpuyster, Her ears are quite large, you know, Mrs, VaNDERPUYSTER: True! I had not ob- Hiar about her served that so much of her ears as I had of her Mouth. hands, however. 7 Fonp MaMa: Wasn't she awkward with her hands? I heard that she upset a plate of melted ice on Henry Goddard's shirt front. Emtty : Tee-hee! Foxp Mamata (froudly): If Eveline only had Emily's figure she might carry off these defects and pass for a really handsome girl. Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER (stecef/y) : Ah, but we can- not all be Emily Munnibags, you know. (J/ore Jacqueminot roses in Emily's cheeks.) Emity: Well, if Eveline isn't distinctly pretty, she's a sweet-tempered girl. Foxp MaMMA: Indeed, her disposition is lovely; although I must say I distrust the amiability of these girls with such fiery auburn hair, Don't you, Mrs. Vanderpuyster ? Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER : Ihave heard that auburn hair and sweetness of disposition are a rare combi- nation. I heard from Ella Garrison that Eveline's maid told Helen Jackson's little brother's nurse that she has a wee bit of a temper. Still, she inherits that from her father. Fonb Mamma: That reminds me, Mrs, Vander- puyster, I have long wanted to know who was Eve- line's father ? Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER: I am not exactly certain. 1 understand that he made a great deal of money manufacturing button-hooks during the war. Something Pecu- Her Nose isa Trifle Crooked And her Teeth Protrude. EMILY (twhose grandfather was a baker): It must bea horrid feeling | to think that one’s money was made from the necessities of one's fellow-men. Foxp Mamma: Yes, Emily ; but Eveline couldn't help ¢hat, you know. Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER : Eveline’s mother was a daughter of Mr. Rosebud’s partner, She is a very sweet woman. Did you ever meet her ? Fonp MAMMA: No. Weare tocall upon her this afternoon. I saw her once at the opera, and Eveline has asked us to call and make her acquaintance. The Eyes are Un- I never liked her appearance, I must say. She has p/easantly Starey that same sarcastic smile that Eveline affects. Emity: Yes; isn’t it too bad that Eveline has that? It causes so much disappointment when she talks, Her conversation is—well it isn’t exactly bright. Mrs, VANDERPUYSTER : I must confess Eveline does not shine in conversation. (Lengthy Pause.) Ensemble: But she’s a perfectly lovely girl in spite of it; isn’t she? (Another Pause.) Fonp MAMMA (rising): Well, Mrs. Vanderpuy- ster, I think we must be going. Do come and see us! Mrs, VANDERPUYSTER ; Why must you go so soon ? = Her Ears are Quite Large, you snow. 221 Emity : Oh, it is getting late, and, you know, we have promised to call on Eveline this afternoon. Mrs, VANDERPUYSTER : Do give the dear girl my love. Foxp MAMMA: We will, indeed ; and don't forget you are to come to see us very soon. Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER: Yes; some day next week. Eity: Can't you come Tuesday morning and stay tolunch? We'll ask Eveline to meet you, Fonp Mamma : Yes, dear Mrs. Vanderpuyster, do come. Mrs. VANDERPUYSTER: Why, that will be delightful ! EMILy : Be sure and come early. Fowp Mamata : i Eaty : Well, good-bye ! Mrs. VaNperpuyster : J (Door opens, Exeunt’ Emily and Mamma. Emily waves her hand to Mrs. Van- Fond | derpuyster standing in the hallway, and calls back, “Don't forget Tuesday!" Mrs. Van- derpuyster replies, “I won't.” All say good-bye again, and the door closes.) Mus, VANDERPUYSTER (ving upstairs): How those two women did peck at poor Eveline, the 2a She's @ Sweet. dear girl! tempered Girl. Fon MAMMA (tealting up the street): Did you ever hear such a pulling to pieces as Mrs. Vanderpuyster gave Eveline Rosebud ? Esuty : Waso’t it horrid of her! J. K. Bangs. + NEW BOOKS «+ THE TWO BROTHERS, By Honoré de Balzac, Boston: Roberts Brothers. Prisoners of Poverty. Women Wage-Workers; their Trades and their Lives, By Helen Campbell. “Boston: Roberts Brothers, The Hunters of the Ozark. Philadelphia: Porter & Coates. Drops of Bled. By Lily Currie. 1.8 Spite & Co. By Edward S, Ellis, Deerfoot Series, No. t. Fireside Series, No. 22, New York: NEW DEFINITIONS. M USIC: A polite art which serves its highest usefulness as a stimulus to conversation. Duty: An obligation that rests entirely upon one’s neigh- bor. ADVICE: A superfluous article which everybody is eager | to give away, but no one cares to receive. CONSISTENCY: A jewel which frequently needs re-setting. News: Old women's gossip ; salacious scandal and secrets of domestic and conjugal life: anything in the way of rumor that does not relate to public affairs. Civitity: An ancient form of behavior, popular in feudal times, but unsuited to the exigencies of modern civilization. Artist: A man of subtle asthetic perceptions who attains | proficiency in some such useful art as hair-dressing, or negro minstrelsy. Poetry: Any metrical composition whose merit is un- recognized by the average magazine editor. Economy: A habit of life which enables a woman to save money in her domestic expenditures in order that her husband may keep up his end at the club. CuLTURE: The pursuit of social folly having its origin in the love of singularity. Harold van Santvoord. comicbooks.com