Life — April 14, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ALL HE WANTED WAS A CHANCE. LADY returning home on an ocean steamer was much amused at the flirtation of the steamer surgeon and one of the fair passen- | One day, when the breeze wafted strongly in her direction, these words were borne to her from the loving couple: * It’s so chilly,” said ne young lady. ‘I feel as if a goose were walking over my grave." you?” asked the surgeon, tenderly. ‘I wish I was that goose.” | gers. WHEREIN HE WAS MORE HONEST. HOUSEKEEPER (Giméd?y) : Isn't fourteen cents rather high for am quite sure the price across the way is only thirteen. BuTcner: With the feet on? Er PEK: N-no, I think the feet are cut off. ER (with a superior smile): 1 thought so, ‘When’ we sell a turkey, ma'am, we sell it feet and all—W. Y, Sun, A GEORGIA STOCK DEAL, AN Atlanta man who has just recovered from the Birmingham fever encountered a fellow-citizen with a bottle of whisky yesterday. arked, ‘I'd like to have an option on that.” asked the man with the whisky, ‘Il give you a quarter for the option, you drink a third of the whisky, I'll drink the other third, then we'll water the stock and declare a dividend.” They disappeared in an alley.—Atlanta Constitution. 213 APTER THE HONEYMOON, Two young wives are talking of their husbands. * You can’t imagine,” said one, “what a stupid blockhead Charles “And Henry?” ejaculated the other. ‘Why, his he-d must be made of wood, or something harder, for plates and dishes break on it with as little difficulty as the sea upon a rock !"—From the French, WESTERN APPRECIATION OF ART. Tue rage among millionaires for great paintings is increasing. Rockefeller has just offered $100,000 for Millet’s * Angelus." Rocke- | feller knows a good thing in oil when he sees it.—C/eveland Sun, A PR°coctoUS youth, prompted by an unpleasant recollection of the last term, says that school teachers are like dogs: ‘They lick your hands.” ' This carries off the palm.— Texas Wire (fo husband): Why is young Tompkins called a good fellow by his friends ? Hust-x0: Because he is always good-natured and pleasant, can tell a story well, spends his money freely, and shamefully neglects his family.— Sun. O1D GENTLEMAN (to driver of Third avenue street car): My friend, what do ,vu do with your wages every week —put part of it in the savings bank ? Driver: No, sir, After payin’-the butcher an‘ grocer an’ rent, I pack away what's left in barrels. I'm "fraid of them savin's banks, —. A woman who was lost in the woods of New Hampshire for three days, said that the most that she suffered from was in not having her knitting along, and she blamed herself a good deal for not bringing a hand glass with her.—Defroit Free Press. We We are hildcen w who Wa Sanh set the chorus iste befereas, fama tri So she Wess sthe best, And we laugh with delight brhen she ltrs it ge us “The Ladies’. Favorit Purifying. Emollient. A luxui utes Skin Diseases. THE P, Lundbord's Perfume EDENIA. Lundborgs Rhenish Cologne, CELEBRAT AnD LADIES’ ROU! new yo! Palmer House, Chicago. Will hold 2 numbers. Address office of - LIFE SENT FOR TRIAL, POST PAID, | TWENTY- CROSBY’ Strengthens the 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., 9t4 Chestnut St., Phila, Common SENSE BINDER FOR BINDING -LIFE- Cheap, Strong and Durable, of the United States for $1. FIVE CTS. FRAKAUER, LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, 19 East 21st Street, New York, Also LONDON and NEWPORT, SOLICITS an inspec- “tion from his Lady Patrons of his novelties for GOWNS, COATS, ULSTERS, etc., for the ensuing season, im- ported from the leading houses in Europe. La- dies who favor me with their patroaage can be assured that my estab- lishment will, as hereto- fore, sustain its reputa- tion for taste, sty workmanship and per- fect fit. All mail orders prompt- ly attended to. A per fect fit guaranteed with- out personal attendance. ED HATS ND HATS. Mailed to any part 1155 Broapway, N. Y. PENCERIAAN 26 SELECTED PENS STEEL PEN Ss Ivison, Blakeman & Co. Are the Best.) sew vom. NEW YORK. S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 56 Wast acrx Srrant, New York. For Sate sy Daucatsts, on Man, $1.00. comicbooks.com