Life — April 14, 1887 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

212 yes; he’s the man that always begins with ‘A solitary horseman was seen approaching, etc.’ Oh, dear! oh, dear! that’s always the way with Baltimore girls, they are so jam so id full of ignorance! I thought that blessed dinner would never come to an end; but at last we finished our cigars and returned to the drawing-room. No- body had anything to say, so we sat and blinked at one another like so many dyspeptic owls, and three of the old men went to sleep and snored. At last Mrs. McW. remembered that I sang a little, where- upon there was a creat outcry, and everybody who was awake insisted that I should at least try; so I turned to the piano and discovered that it must have belonged to the first of the McWhirters, and that the Conqueror’s army had used it pretty roughly. However, there was no help for it ; so I thoughtlessly sang Brahm’s * Wiegenlied," and a cuckoo-clock struck twenty-four times in the middle of it, and th cuckoo flopped out and fairly drowned me with his ‘* Hoo-hoo ! hoo- hoo! hoo-hoo 1” When the clock and the bird and I had finished our trio nobody said a word; dead silence reigned for what seemed ten minutes a least. At last Mrs, McW, said to me, hesitatingly, ‘* You—er—er play the piano very well!” And then an old chap who had just woke up asked if I couldn't give them ‘ Home, Sweet Home,” and another old fellow wanted * Over the hills to the Poorhouse. I went home after that, and if ever the McWhirters ask me to dine with them again I'll accept and not go. Roland King. TIME IS MONEY. IGGINS: I sold you that overcoat three weeks ago for a dollar and a quarter. for it now? MERCHANT; Vell, you could haf it for six tollar. must haf some dinks for storage, you know. U P at the top the world is full of sunshine.—San Fran- cisco Examiner, \t is indeed! Come up, brother : come up, and bask in its rays. UN Y HUMORIST: I'll never send anything to The Weakly Crow again! Here's a lot of spring jokes, which they return with advice to put them in the fire. FRIEND: I suppose they think roasted chestnuts are best. How much do you want Ve COULDN'T USE THEM RAW. A LA PSYCHE. Little One: Av, YOU OLE PROUDY, YoU! You AIN'T No WENUS, IF YER HAS GOT DER SYKESY TWIST TER YER HAIR! - LIFE - | SOMETHING TO FALL BACK ON. Mr. S.: HELLO, JACK, STUDYING ?. THOUGHT YOU WERE TRAIN- ING FOR THE COLLEGE NINE. Jack's Mother (whispering): Hus! THEY WoULDS'T TAKE HIM ON. He's DREADFULLY DISAPPOIN POOR FELLOW I His Sister: Yest’ REALLY desperate, YoU KNOW, THERE 18 NOTHING LEFT FOR HIM NOW RUT TO TRY FOR THE @ BK. axd HE FEELS THE DISGRACE. ONLY ONE THING NEEDED. _ MITH (one of the éoys): | hear you and Hatton are getting up a gold mining company. Is that so? LAMBKINSON (a /amb on hi's first shearing): Aw—yes! | doocidly profitable, you know.—You in it? SMITH: Oh no, none for me, thank you, But how are you getting on? LAMBKINSOD : Splendidly !—we've got everything but the mine!! i HOUSANDS of country houses attest Queen Anne's great popularity as an architect. CONSIDERATE. BENEVOLENT OLD LADY (addressing one of her protégés, a native of the Emerald Isle): I am very much surprised, Mrs. Maloney, to see this pig living in the | same room with you and your children. | | Mrs. MALONEY: Sure, marm, he's a very illigent crature, and particular; but he don’t moind us, a tall, a tall. ONE who is never without a vice — The carpenter. comicbooks.com