Life — March 31, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE fe ORS Av NvLLv WRONG AGAIN. «CW HY do we prefer the poets of the past to thbse of the present 2” asked the teacher. ‘* Because,” replied the smart bad boy, “the poets of the past are dead.” ‘And therefore?” suggested the teacher. ‘They cannot write any poetry,” continued the smart bad boy. ‘Neither do the poets of to-day,” replied the teacher kindly, ‘'so you are away off your base. Go down foot.” And the astonished boy | began to wonder if the teacher wasn't getting a little bad herself. It turned out, however, that a magazine had just returned her verses and published some of Whittier's.—Brooklyn Eagle. “Say, Pa,” asked the pride of the household, after a moment's reflection, during which he had inadvertently declined a second help to buckwheat cakes, ‘If a man does what he ought to do he does his duty, don't he?” ’ “Yes, he does, my son.” "Well, suppose he don’t do what he ought to do, does he do his donty?” Up to the hour of going to press the parental answer had not been given,— Harper's Bazar. NOT LONG TO WAIT. GENTLEMAN (in restaurant) : “A couple of soft-boiled eggs, wait- er—not over four minutes.” ‘Waiter: ‘Yes, sah.” GENTLEMAN: ‘And I'm in a big hurry. How long will I have to wait?” H ‘Warrer: “How long did yo' say yo’ wan’ dem aiggs biled, boss ?” GENTLEMAN: “Four minutes.” Waiter: “Half an hour, sah.” —Harper’s Bazar. | for his professional servic 183 A PRETTY good story is told of a local druggist, the incident occur- ring some time ago. A man who was rather hard of hearing had a compound put up for him, and he called for the bill.‘ Thirty cents,” replied the druggist. The buyer put down three cents and started for the door. The druggist sang out: ‘Hold on! you've made a mis- take; thirty cents!” The man didn’t hear him. As the door closed behind him the druggist remarked: ‘‘ Well, go on; I’ve made two cents on the deal, anyway.”—Geneva Advertiser. HussanD: ‘If you only had the ability to cook as my mother used to, I would be happy, dear.” Wire: “And if you only had the ability to make money enough to buy things to cook, as my father used to, I, too, would be happy, dear.” —New York Sun. A SECOND SCHENK. We still cling to the simple faith that the acme of human wisdom is to know when to lay down a poker hand.—Afacon (Ga.) Telegraph. GASTRONOMIC CONDENSATION. YOUNG MAN (in coffee and cake saloon) : Wheat cakes, waiter, brown on top, and coffee with not too much milk in it. WATIER (vociferously) : Wete cakes an’ coffy, an’ have ‘em right.— New York Sun. Police Magistrate : Prisoner at the bar, have you any children ? Prisoner : No, your honor. P. M.: Why not? Prisoner ; Well, 1 am not married. P.M. (who hates a giggle at his expense): your wife.—Exchange. Miss CATHARINE WOLFE of New York, who is said to be worth | $10,000,000, is a hopeless invalid, and pays Dr, Helmuth $50,000 a year good many physicians would be glad That's very fortunate for Wea are ‘ iden, xe he cheery icin in in the he chorus copynienvEe, to havela Wolfe like that at theif doors 2x LADIES’ TAILOR, Habit Maker and Hatter, 19 East 21st Street, New York, Also LONDON and NEWPORT, SOLICITS an inspec tion from his Lady Patrons of his novelties bar city ied allthe me So she knows tS the best, And we laugh with delight when she fathers it oer us. “The Ladies’ Favorite.” Pure. Purifying. Emollient, A luxury for shampooing. Cures Skin Diseases. THE PACKER MFG. CO. roo Fulton St., New York. Lundbords Perfume EDENIA. Lundborgs Rhenish Cologne. CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., | and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., | NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. ComMON SENSE BINDER FOR BINDING -LIFE- Cheap, Strong and Durable, Will hold 2 numbers. Mailed to any part | of the United pao 6 $x. Address office of - LIFE « 1155 Broapway, N. for GOWNS, COATS, ULSTERS, ete., for the ensuing season, im- ported from the leading houses in Europe. La- dies who favor me with their patronage can be assured that my estab- lishment will, as hereto- fore, sustain its reputa- tion for taste, style, workmanship and per- fect fit. All mail orders prompt- ly attended to. A per- fect fit guaranteed with- out personal attendance | 26 SELECTED PENS' SENT FOR TRIAL, POST PAID, TWENTY-FIVE CTS. | ‘STEEL PENS, Are the Best. nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all 6 Wasr ayrw Srrazt, New Yorx. PENCERIAN Ivison, Blakeman & Co. ‘753 & 755 Broadway, NEW YORK. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out weaknesses and nervousness. For Sate sy Druccists, or Mart, $1.00. comicbooks.com