Life — March 17, 1887 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: Mord. twa, WITT SUPPLEMENT. ONE OF THE TRIALS OF A PROFESSIONAL BEAUTY. LINES. AFTER VICTOR HUGO, WEETHEART, were I a king to-day, My subjects all, on bended knees, ‘ Led by myself, uncrowned, should lay All gifts before thee fit to please. Were I the Lord of Life above, All fecund spheres should wait on thee ; While for one kiss of thine, dear love, Eternity a breath might be! John Moran. AT THE ORCHID SHOW. THE wax potentates at the Eden Musee had to take a back seat last week. The flowers that bloom in the spring held the body of the house, and a very respectable looking crowd they were. General Washington, who still crosses the Delaware eight hours each day, was quite concerned over the situation in which he found himself. “Why,” said he, ‘I never saw such a British lot of people in my life. Some of the descendants of my staff came walking through the room, and for the life of me I wouldn’t have known them from Eng- lish aristocrats. One of them, indeed, called me a ‘ bloody old idiot,’ because I helped make him a free-born American citizen instead of a slaving colonist like those Canadians, If this is the sassiety I helped form, blamed if I don’t turn my boat around and recross the Delaware, refuse the Presidency and go on a New York newspaper, where I can lie comfortably and get paid for it. It’s very orchid to have to stand here this way and listen to these people’s delighted comments on a Rhafis flabelliformis, that looks for all the world like a demented holly- hock, or an Odontoglossum cirrhosum, which, if it resembles anything, looks like an inebriated bumblebee. Orchids! Who ever saw an | orchid in °761” | “Go buy a toboggan and chute yourself, George,” remarked the | Emperor William, from the potentates’ box on the other side of the room. ‘There's a bud in the other room that reminds me of the pipe of my ancestors, and I won't hear it maligned.” “You'd better puff it, then,” retorted the Father of his country. “What are you, any way? You're nothing but a faded old tulip, and | you know it.” “Well, I'd rather be a tulip than a wax ferryman with peach-blow | trousers on ; and as for my being faded, I'm not planted yet, which is | where I have the bulb on you.” “Bully for you, Billiam,” ejaculated the Pope, as Washington stooped over and made a cotton snowball to throw at his adversary. | “Go in and win; I'm betting cardinals’ hats on you.” | “Did you hear about Columbus,” said King Humbert to the Pope. “No; is he dead?” replied the head of the Church. ‘“Dead? Why they've melted and recast him, so that he now represents Jay Gould discovering a paltry little blossom they call Maranda Vanderluckit. “ That's tough !” said the Pope. “Stuff, is it? Well, you ask the management. You'll find it solid truth.” “It’s an insult to Ttaly !”" ejaculated the Pope. “It is indeed!” said the Czar; ‘but what are you going to do about it 2” “Well, I suppose we'll have to apologize,” replied King Humbert. “I don't see any other way out of it. After all, we're only wax, and if, the management opened fire on us this parliament would dissolve. By the way, Billiam, I see it’s rumored about town that you're dead. Are you?” “Well, I don’t exactly know. I’m feeling a little rocky, to tell the truth, Both of my legs gave way last night, and rolled down-stairs into the crypt. All that supports me is this photographer's head steadier, which has me by the nape of the neck, and gives me an | apoplectic sensation that bodes me ill. Every time that door opens | the draught blows me to and fro and makes me kinder sea-sick—still, I don’t think I'm dead yet. I don’t look so, do I?” | “Oh, not so very dead!” kindly returned the Queen. | always were rather corse in appearance, you know.” | “Madame,” said the Czar, ‘if you'll have that stuffed I think the | Musee would exhibit it.” “ What do you refer to, Alexander ?” “That giddy joke of yours, my dear. It was one of the two that Noah had with him on that archzological expedition of his to Mount Arrow-Root.”” “Which shows, my dear Aleck, that it was worth preserving. I take notice that Noah didn't have two Czars on his boat!” “No; but if you're as old as you look, my liegess, he had you there.” ‘Ah, there!” smiled the Pope. “Oh, take a cup of tea!” cried the Prince of Wales, seeing that his mother was getting involved in war. “English breakfast tea ?” she asked. “No, repartee!” retorted the Czar—which response created such excitement that the automatic fire-alarm threw double sixes, and the engines came and put the party out. Carlyle Smith. “You AN ACCOMMODATING SPIRIT. ISTRESS (severely): 1 have made the fire and cooked the breakfast ! New SERVANT: Well, mum, you needn't wait for me. After this, sit down and ate whin yez git it ready. comicbooks.com