Life, 1887-03-17 · page 5 of 16
Life — March 17, 1887 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Page 147 Analysis This page from *Life* magazine contains several brief satirical pieces and a sketch. The main illustration shows two men and a woman at a dining table—likely depicting a domestic or social scene of marital discord. The caption references "Mary" forgetting something about the table setting, with the man (Tom) complaining about "nut-crackers" and potatoes, and mentioning "she has been a month at the Cooking Club." The satire targets wives attending cooking classes while neglecting household duties—a common complaint in early 20th-century humor. The surrounding text pieces mock minor social annoyances: a loud knife, changing one's mind, hunting excuses, and small-pox fears. These represent typical *Life* magazine humor: light social criticism targeting everyday domestic frustrations rather than serious political matters.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SCRAPS. PLEASANT young lad had a kfife ‘Whose pitch was as sharp asa knife: So shrill was its shriek That he ‘‘ busted” his chiek ;—-- And his neighbors are weary of klife. A CHANGE FOR THE WORSE. OMPKINS: Howare you? Oh, say, I will pay you that bill the next | time I meet you! JOHNSON: You have been saying that for months. A little change would suit | me better. TOMPKINS: Oh, well, I’ll try not to meet you any more. BEEN THERE HIMSELF. “ OING out hunting without a dog?” “What in thunder do I want of a dog?” | “To blame for not bringing in any game.” SOBRIETY. RKANSAS JUDGE (¢o prisoner): You swear (hic) that on th’ night in (hic) question, you were sober ash | judge? PRISONER (hastily): No, sir. ND were you not afraid of being in Marseilles? Didn’t you dread the small-pox ? Mrs. PARVENUE: Oh, no, indeed! I've already had the celluloid, you know. TABLE. COMPOSITE AFFECTION. LONDIN ALONZO SIMPKINS, on seeing the beautiful composite portrait of the last senior class of Smith College, published in the Century, fell straightway in love, and resolved that the one object of his heretofore vain and empty life should be to seek, find, and wed the fair one. While in this frame of mind he wrote the two first stanzas of the following. The next day he was made to understand that the photograph was not that of a single angel, but those of forty-nine separate and distinct ones super-imposed upon each other. Filled with grief and disappointment he penned the remaining lines as an offering to the memory of the lost one — or ones. I, THE world, until I saw thy face, Was dark and dull and drear ; Now nature smiles in every place, No future do I fear. All troubles, cares and woes depart, No obstacles appall ; The hope that thou wilt rule my heart Bids every barrier fall. Tom: MY DEAR, MARY FORGOT SOMETHING THIS MORNING WHEN SHE SET THE Sally: WHat was 17, Love? Tom: THE NUT-CRACKERS, FOR THESE POTATOES OF YOURS. And she has been a month at the Cooking Club! il. Alas, sad Fate! once more the world Is but an empty show ; Again I'm hopeless, lone and sad, Nor may I comfort know. ‘Whom I had once resolved should be For life my partner fair, Can never, never be my own— I live but for despair ! If with the turbaned Turk I dwelt, Or with the Mormon, thrifty, Two, three — six wives might bless my lot— But even then, not fifty! WHAT NEXT? NTHONY COMSTOCK has sent a Jerseyman to prison for two years and fined him $500 for selling Balzac’s Droll Stories and the Queen of Navarre’s “ Heptameron.” Weare all of a tremble for fear Tony may find out about the Bible or take a notion to read Shakespeare. comicbooks.com