Life — February 17, 1887 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

*LIFE- 99 SPAT SENORS WT NLly A REMARKABLE ADMISSION. «6 WERE you acquainted with the murdered man?” asked the prosecuting attorney of a witness for the defense in a murder case. The willingness of the witness to say all that he could in behalf of the murderer was very apparent, by the way. “I know’d him, He was de honestest "— “Never mind about his honesty. You say you knew him.” ‘Yes, sah; and I'se proud to say I nebber knowed sich a noble "— ‘Nobody asked you about that. What was the condition of his health—was he not in robust health ?” “No, sah! He was the feeblest niggah I eber seed.” “ He was killed by the accused, was he not ?” “T can’t say so, sah. My idee am dat he was in sich bad health dat, eben ef he hadn’t been killed when he was, he would hab died, anyhow, at least two days previous, sah.” —Texas Si/tings. BERTIE: Pa, who's that a picture of? Pa: Father Time, with his scythe. Bertie: But, pa, he’s nearly bald, : Yes; most old gentlemen are. Bertie: But, say pa, I thought Time had’a forelock. —Tid-Bits. A LITTLE Buffalo girl was not feeling well and her parents sug- gested that she might be about to have chicken-pox, then prevalent. She went to bed laughing at the idea, but early next morning went into her parents’ room, looking very serious, and said: “ Yes, it is chicken- pox, papa; I found a fedder in the bed."—Wew York Sun. None of us are so, poor that we can’t pay a compliment when it is due—Newport News. PACKER’S TAR SOAP. “The Ladies’ Favorite,” for all toilet cleansing and purifying purposes ; for preventing chapping, chafing, come- dones, or “‘ flesh-worms,” and other skin affections; for curing dandruff (which if left to continue, causes baldness); for cor- recting the injurious effects of cosmetics ; and for washing the delicate skin of infants. PACKER’S TAR SOAP. Don’t forget the name. BEEF | 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. BEFORE the wedding day she was dear and he her treasure; but afterwards she became dearer and he treasurer.—Newfort News, THE cost of the cigars and whisky consumed in this country in one year would build a new navy, but it never will. —Ow City Blissard, A MORNING contemporary says: ‘He fell heavily to the floor a lifeless corpse.” We think under the circumstances, he was fully justified in falling. —Ox? City Blizzard. SpRING time is coming. Will the honest paper-hanger strike ? You can bet high that he won't. Why will not he strike ? (Colloquial Bostonese for “ why won't he?) Because it looks too much like work. Why so? Because then he would have to walk around all day, instead of sleeping in pleasant half-papered rooms.—Burdette. THE most attractive thing about a toboggan is a pretty girl.—Pitts- burg Dispatch, A MAN never drops into a newspaper office to tell about a little race | on the road unless his horse comes in winner.—7ia-Bits. ‘Wobsurn’s new Postmaster is an undertaker. It is to be hoped he will not develop a tendency in favor of dead letters, Boston Herald. Brown : What doyou think of the play? Focc : Fairly good thing; but what I object to is the intense realism in the third act—a church scene, you know ; it was so natural that I actually went to sleep.—Zos- ton Transcript. ‘Ie there is anything I like better than classical music,” said Major Brannigan, in a high voice, as he moved with the throng out of the concert-room, ‘its lemons. They both set my teeth on edge.”—San Francisco Post, LADIES’ TAILOR, HABIT MAKER, 19 EAST 21st STREET, WOULD respectfully announce that he A COPYRIGHTED. ih will, as in preceding CELEBRATED HATS ane employed, make especial LADIES’ ROUND HATS. years, in order to keep his skilled hands fully inducements at Reduced Prices from date to February rsth next, N.B.—All_ garments made at reduced prices to be embraced within bet. 22d & 23d Sts., 9r4 Chestnut St., Phila, Delicious! Nutritious! Absolutely Pure! The Cibils Company, New York. SKATES. N ONE should FAIL to examine the merits of the IMPERIAL BURNER, which gives the most brilliant and per- fect light produced by any Lamp known. On exhibition, lighted, in a selection of Lamps specially imported this season SENT FOR TRIAL, POST PAID, ICE aNO ROLLER TWENTY-FIVE CTS, | Are the Best. the above period. Model garments re- maining on hand offered q at half price. Sealand Astrakhan Coats and Jackets made only of the best quatity English-dyed skins and wat- ranted a satisfactory fit. 26 SELECTED PENS STEEL PEN S Ivison, Blakeman & Co. ‘753 & '755 Broadway, NEW YORK. b BENNETT B. SCHNEIDER, 87 Park Place, New York. The best satisfaction guaranteed, or you can have your money returned, CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out uccves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness, 6-Wusr asru Srrget. Naw York. For Satz sy Druacists, or MAIL, $1.00. comicbooks.com se