Life — January 13, 1887 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BACKWARD TENNYSON. JN his age did daintiest Alfred turn once more to Locksley Hall ; In his age the Lordly Laureate piped in accents deuced small ; ‘Sang the world was rent asunder into very little bits, ‘And the lion toppled over like a cat in desp'rate fits. ‘O my Alfred! O my poet ! with your senile groans and sighs, Once more comes your second childhood, and you revel in mud pies. —Boston Gazette. SHE (fo young poet) : How much do you get for your poems, Charley? CHARLEY (with pride): From $2 to $5. SHE: Well, isn't that very little, Charley? I see that Sir Walter Scott got $10,000 for one of his. CHARLEY: Yes, but you see, writing poetry isn’t the business it used tobe. There's too much competition.—ew York Sun. A FAT WOMAN entered a crowded street-car and, seizing a strap, stood on a gentleman's toes. As soon as he could extricate himself, he arose and offered her his seat. “You are very kind, sir,” she said. “Not at all, madam,” he replied, “it’s not kindness, it’s self/| defence.” —New York Sun. Two stupENTs ring a hated professor's bell at midnight. He puts his head out of the window and wants to know what’s up.‘ One of your windows is wide open.” ‘ Where ?” exclaims the startled pro- fessor. ‘‘ The one you are looking out of."—Fiegende Blatter. NO IMPROVEMENT, UNCLE Sam : “Got a new idea, have you 2” Nava Constructor: ‘Yes, sire. I can make you a war vessel now that will meet every requirement. It's modeled after a duck.” “Can it fy 2” Well, no; but it will sail like a duck.” “« Suppose a Canadian cruiser sees it and shoots?” «Tt will dive, just like a duck.” “« Dive out of sight?” “Clear to the bottom.” “Well, I dunno. Sounds mightily like those we have now.—Omaha World. “GEORGE,” said the senior partner to the junior in a law firm of three, ‘I thought you told me that Alfred had gone out of town on legal business ? I understand he’s down the road on a visit to a young lady.” “Well, sir,” said George, with an injured look, ‘It’s not illegal to call on a young lady, I believe ?”"—Puce. THE “Town Tattler,” of the New York Sunday Svar, tells this: I read a good story this week about Henry W. Grady, the editor of the Atlanta Constitution. Some years ago a paragraph was printed in the Constitution saying that a man well known in a certain circle of Atlanta society had died. The next day the alleged dead man called at the Constitution office and demanded a retraction. “This paper,” said Mr. Grady, “never takes back anything it has said, and will not in this case but if you insist that you have been misrepresented, why, we'll put you“among the births, That will square it.” - SYMPATHY FOR THE BULGARIANS. “The Bulgarians want a king very bad, but somehow or other the can’t get one,” said a member of the Texas Legislature to a ftiend, “T can sympathize with the Bulgarians. I once lost several thousand dollars by not being able to get a king when I needed one.”—TZexas | Siftings. ‘The word ** LOWELL” appears in CAPITAL letters in the back of Lowell, Wilton, and Body- Brussels, at every repeat of ‘the pattern, Look carefully to the trade-marks and be sure you get the genuine LOWELL carpets. For nearly Half a Century LOWELL CARPETS Have been acknowledged to be the BEST. The grade has never been lowered, and the Company unhesitatingly challenge com- Parison with the production of any manu- facturer in the world. SN < COPYRIGHTED, LADIES’ TAILOR, HABIT MAKER, 19 EAST 21er STREET, ‘OULD respectfully announce that he will, as in preceding years, in order to keep Sold by all First-class Dealers. The Lowell Tograing are wound upon a hollow stick, which the U. S, Superior Court decided to be avalid trade-mark, ‘the public are thereby thor- oughly protected against deception. LUNDBORG'S Perfume EDENIA LUNDBORG’S Rhenish Cologne. CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. Palmer House, Chicago. 914 Chestnut St., Phila. Js the PUREST BEEF EXTRACT for Family Use. Nourishing and Grateful to Invalids and Children. Sold by Grocers and Druggists, or address THE CIBILS CO.,NEW YORK. his skilled hands fully employed, make especial inducements at reduced prices from date to February rsth next. |! N. B.—All gar- ments made at re. duced prices to be embraced= within the above period. Model garments remaining on hand offered at half price. Seal and Astrakhan Coats and Jackets made only of the best quatity English-dyed Skins and war- ranted a satisfactory fit. KIMBALL’'S SATIN Straight Cat Cigarettes. ' People of refined taste who Jesire exceptionally fine cig- wrettes should use only our straight Cut, put up in satin packets and boxes of 108, 208, $08, andr00s. 14 Prise Medals. WM. 8S. KIMBALL & CO. CROSBY’S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all esses and nervousness. 6 Wrst asta Srreet, New York. For Sate sy Dauccists, on MAIL, $1.00. comicbooks.com