Life — December 30, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OW are the jolly days Home for the holidays, Wondly rejoicing in freedom from sckaok;, ¥reed from the pedagogue, Every young head agog, Over the profits aceraing from Yule. FOR PA: ‘Theié’s a fine embroidered motto, and a pair off slippers neat, Worked up in flaring worsted that will surely burm his feet. Here’s a shaving mug, and pasteboard box to boldihis cuffs and. || collars, And a pocketbook that’s horribly devoid of ceats.or dollars. FOR MA: There's a bulky looking bundle, quite suggestine of a sacque, Which some will think a seal once wore upon his dripping back. (But which, when looked at closely, and not im social rush, ‘Will prove to have been made complete of A 1 cotton plush, ‘THE CHILDREN : Will find their little stockings a hanging o’er the fire, Stuffed full of indigestion, to which they all aspire. For little girls are pretty dolls, in gorgeous satin drest, Which cry Mamma, also Papa, when thumped upon the breast. And for th’omniscient, omnipresent, ubiquitous small boys, Are horns, and drums, and everything that contributes to noise, And, last of all, for baby sweet, the dearest little fellow, There stands a horse six inches high, his legs all painted yellow. And wagons great, all stuffed with blocks, and sixteen Noah's arks, And three or four small woolly dogs, with artificial barks, Not one forgot of all the clan upon this happy morn Which makes all other happy days by contrast seem forlorn, Which bringeth to ye poet’s face a broad, refulgent smile. For now he vends to Sunday school his carols by the mile. * * * FLY-BITE may kill an elephant, but when the monster is on the rampage a dynamite cartridge is just as good, if the fly-bites happen to be mislaid. * * * NE hundred and five mince pies, one for each prisoner, will be given to the convicts in the jail at Kennebec, Me., on Christmas day. The way of the transgressor is hard, especially at Ken- nebec, Me. | | I | i i | i ' } } K AX old Chinese prowenb:says that when a pig squeals he: is unhappy. . We've noticed the same-trait im Boodle Aldermen. * * * HE Leader, the ongan: of the alleged laboring amram; is: being run at a loss. of $r0ma week. The Knights seem toslje-the ont ones who can gffordto do» business this way. We-dbnit wonder they are always asking: for move. * * * FR PEST speculative: errors: of the son of a prominent: ; Bear on Wall Street stew that under some-condi+ tions, a grizzly may be-the father of an ass. * ” * * R. Watterson says he wears nobody’s collar. But then Mr. Wattersomis a Westerner, andi West~ erners rarely care for linen. * = * T= Grand Army: Veterans: are now discussing tite-ques~ tion: As am investment is the pension mighitian than the sword? HEARING UNIMPAIRED BY AGE, Grandma (at a Boston Symphony Concert when the leader raps his baton and the buzz of conversation suddenly ceases): WHY jusr “isten TO THE HUSH! * * * M R. BARON TENNYSON, Chief Lord of Her Majesty's Rhymester, says that : Envy wears the mask of love, and laughing sober fact to scorn, Cries to weakest as to strongest, ‘‘ Ye are equals, equal born; Equal born, oh, yes, if yonder hill be level with the flat!” The Baron knows what he is talking about. It takes a mighty high hill to get up to the level of one of our New York flats. comicbooks.com