Life — December 30, 1886 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

422 took the next flight, and disappeared into the kitchen. “There goes mother,” said the Prince. The Queen of England. rushing down stairs like an avalanche. All for what! Just because Battenburg has ————” “Make him a Duke, I tell you. Make him a Duke, and, what's more, don’t compel me to say make him a Duke again,” said the stern voice from up the stairs. “Make who.a' Duke?” I asked. “The Lord only knows, Mr. Smith, I don’t,” wept Wales. “VICTORIA !” called the voice, ‘are you ever coming with that Imperial Granum, or must I sit up here all day with nothing to eat but a rubber ring and this gilt topped sceptre ?” “I'm coming, your Royal Highness,” called the almost distracted ““T'm only counting the seeds, Your Majesty, Queen from below. that’s all.” “Look here, Wales,” said I, ‘‘ what is the meaning of this ?” “Come, and you shall see !” he whispered, hoarsely. Needing no second bidding, I mounted the stairs to the Throne room, and there, on the Throne of England, sat an usurper. ‘The crown encircled his waist. The bauble, broken into four pieces, was strewn about the floor. The Magna Charta, brought at his.com- mand from the British Museum, was torn to shreds in the usurper’s efforts to absorb the red paint on the seals. Premier Salisbury sat on the first step of the dais, with his necktie untied, and his hair gripped by the strong right hand of the new King. The Queen’s collection of crowns adorned the ankles and wrists of the new monarch, and the members of the Royal Family were stand- ing around the room with salvers in their hands, tears in their eyes, and wrath generally depicted in their other features. “There,” said Wales, “ that’s what we've come to, Mother has ab- dicated in favor of that! roof off the castle, and we can’t afford to pay the repair bills, and, as it’s put up or shut up, we have to shut up.” Here, indeed, wasa revolution, for ‘‘that,” as the Prince expressively termed it, was none other than Alexander Henry Peter Leo John ‘Theodore James Adolphus Von Schleswig and Holstein Battenberg, age two months, and the Chum not feeling equal to greeting a new | dynasty at such short notice, promptly withdrew from the room, and | | AINT HEALTHY. took the first cable home. Carlyle Smith. OUTSIDE. INSIDE. Mrs. Gobbler : 1 DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS EGG WAS A FAILURE. If we take the crown from him he yells the | ‘LIFE jump. This was startling, but quite commonplace, beside the way she | THE PLAIN TRUTH. Mistress, to New Help: YOU WILL HAVE TO WASH FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. N.H.: ALL ROIGHT, MUM, BUT ITS THER LIBERTY T’LL BE AFTER TAKING OV SAYING THIM THAT DON’T WASH THIMSILVES, GOING TOO CHEAPLY. “cc EN dollars fine for contempt of court,” thundered the judge. ‘What do you think of that ?” “Better make it twenty,” he replied; “that amount of contempt ought never to go for ten dollars.” NOT FAMILIAR TO HER. ANSAS CITY YOUNG LADY (fo young Englishman): Yes, Miss Sloe gets her beautiful dark eyes and raven hair from her great~ grandmother, who was the daughter of an Indian chief, you know. She has Indian blood in her veins. YOuNG ENGLISHMAN: The blood of the Tudors and Plantaganets courses through my veins. Kansas City YounG Lapy: Indeed, I don’t know the tribes. N’astronomer claims to have discovered stars lately which the most powerful telescopes are unable'to reveal. We advise him to sprinkle ashes on his sidewalk. comicbooks.com