Life — December 9, 1886 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE - Williams naturally thought, try- ing to break the peace. The Czar informed me confi- dentially that uneasy lay the foot that wore the autocratic boot, and that he attributed the whole Bulgarian crisis to his corns. He suffered so much that he finally had to take off his boots, dis- closing what I had never even suspected. The Caar is club-footed ! He was much mortified at the disclosure, and stated that he was never that way in private life. He attributed his affliction to the parsimony of the Musee people, who, he said, were too mean to give him feet. “Oh, well,” said the Pope, balancing himself on a rail, “you think you're in hard lines over those feet, don’t you? Your con- dition isn’t a circumstance alongside of mine. I haven't any feet, either, and half the glory of a Pope is his toe.” ““We're all in the same box,” remarked Mr. Cleveland, ‘on the foot question, They don’t even give me the satisfaction you get out of your broomstick limbs, Mine were made out of gas-pipe, and I THE CZAR IS CLUB-FOOTED. have to sit up there all day long without even hinting that my pins are chock full of spiders.” “Let's strike for better legs,” suggested Henry George, strolling in upon the party. “Yes,” replied the Emperor William, ‘let's strike and get George some legs that'll be some good the next time he runs for Mayor.” “Ting,” remarked the Pope, quietly. “If you were not a parson,” said the emperor, flushing up, “I'd shake every atom of sawdust out of your body for ringing your old church bell on me!” : “He's right there, Pope,” said the Infant King of Spain, who is too young to be reverent; “ you'd better go outside and fulminate against that colored gentleman who wants two dollars more a week for having his head cut off. It's the easiest work in the Musee, and covetousness is a sin. Go down in the crypt and get up a Papal bull fight with yourself.” X “Or go jump into the Papal see and take a swim,” suggested \\ the Czar. ‘It would be quite a ro iN freak to see an Italian in water.” WANTS TWO DOLLARS MORE “Don't you do it, Mr, Pope,” A WEEK. said General Washington, cutting his initials on the Sultan’s knee. ‘You just go organize yourself into a XIII. club and defy superstition.” Matters were getting so badly strained between the powers that I was about to interfere, when an unearthly yell came from the Queen Dowager of Spain. The King had thoughtlessly seated himself over the regis- ter, and the poor little thing had melted. The festivities were brought to an abrupt close by this untoward accident, and the potentates taking their places, once more congealed, and your special spook left the building. The remains of the baby King of Spain will be made over into a new head for Mrs. Langtry. Carlyle Smith. “TING,” SAID THE POPE. A HEAVY LOSS. ROWN (fo Robinson, whose mother-in-law has recently died): \ was sorry to hear, Robinson, that you and your wife have recently sustained a heavy loss. ROBINSON (with feeling) : Yes, the old lady must have weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds. R. George W. Smalley’s visit to this country was of so brief a duration that his absence from England was not of a sufficiently disastrous nature to that country to be worth mentioning. IDNIGHT is called the whiching time of night, be- cause at that hour it is sometimes difficult to deter- mine which to do, go home or whoop it up larger. TAKING NO CHANCES. IFE: What time does the train start, dear? HusBAND: Five twenty, P. M. Wire: And what time is it now? ‘. HUSBAND (consulting his Waterbury watch) : Nine, A. M. WIFE (anxiously): We had better be going. THE FIERY ORDEAL. 1 N pottery my love was pleased to paint Designs that were exceeding rare and quaint ; And when she had them done as she desired, With neatness and dispatch the pots were fired. Il. “Love, I am but a vase of common clay — Design me as you will, I humbly pray !” The maiden fashioned me as she thought best, And then — why, I was fired with the rest. T. P. Sanborn, MAN is young as long as he pleases—and a woman, too, is young as long as she pleases, but she isn’t apt to piease the majority of people after she is 30. “cc H™ painfully thin young Mr. Rail is; and yet they tell me he is a famous athlete. What branch of athletics does he go in for?” “ PEDESTRIANISM, I fancy; his appearance always sug- gests to me a walking match. comicbooks.com