Life — December 9, 1886 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS EVE. WITH WAX POTENTATES. IFE’S chum to potentates received so many cordial invitations to spend Christmas with so many crowned heads, that to avoid em- broiling Europe ina disastrous war by any display of partiality on his part, he compromised by visiting them all in their Eden Musee home. This business of being popular with potentates has its drawbacks, just as well as other hobbies of mankind. Because Mr. Field and I spend our time collecting Kings, Czars, Emperors and Dukes, is no reason why we should be considered as absolutely free from care. Mr. Field has frequently expressed much solicitude to me over the fact that a duke or two had managed to slip through the country without his giving him a dinner and a chip from the Andre statue, whilst I often find myself bound to con- sider the probable cost to Europe in blood and men and money, if by a thoughtless delay of mine at the Court of St. James, I should cause the Czar of Russia to take his soup cold. When my last Thursday's mail brought invitations to me to break plum-pudding with seven Kings, three Queens, fourteen Emperors, a Czar, a Sultan and a Pshaw in as many separate places at one and the same time, I immediately cabled a circular letter to the crowned heads of the earth that the relations between Harvard, Yale and Princeton were so badly strained that my presence in this country was absolutely essen- tial to prevent a civil war of such magnitude that our magazines would have to be published for thirteen months after the day of judgment to do it justice. Realizing what a horrible thing this would be for the reading public, the potentates one and all replied that they would be with me in spirit any way, and added that if I didn’t mind sending my ghost out on a cold night, we would all meet at the Musee. It was the Czar of Russia who suggested that Christmas Eve be moved up three weeks so as to get the minutes of our meeting in this number of Lire, and as Queen Victoriahad no objection, if we'd agree not to ask for Christmas 369 presents, the mat- ter was settled, and December 2d was set for the festivi- ties. Every potentate in Christendom, from Pope Leo to my Chicago Anar- al chists was there, ny except Alexander ") of Bulgaria, who was down in the ( composing - room I} getting made over into his successor. As the clock struck 12, the glorious throng of rulers relaxed from their rigidstate attitudes and saluted the correspondent. cordially. The Czar caused much amusement by splitting open the head of a sentry as the Emperor William walked in from the baptismal scene arm in arm with Napoleon III., who has been lying in state to crowded houses ever since the Musee opened. Emperor William was chaffing Bonaparte about laying off on a packing box covered with plush, trying to look imperially dead to the American public, to which Napoleon replied in kind, and set the assembly in roars, by telling the German potentate that if he thought he could do it any better, he'd better set up the bier himself next time. I endeavored to present the father of my country to the several crowned heads of my acquaintance, but that gentlenian declined to have anything to do with my friends, devoting himself wholly to the pursuit of hanging up his truly Democratic stocking, forcibly expressing his disgust that the Eden Musee management, which goes in largely for appearances, only furnished stockings to its subjects as far down as the ankles. ““When the Father of his Country gets down to wearing umbrella covers instead of socks,” said the General, ‘‘the country is going to the dogs, and I'm not anxious to be knocked down to any potentates. and have them throw my poverty in my face.” Somewhat embarrassed over the Jeffersonian simplicity of General Washington’s manner, I linked arms with the Czar and walked around the hall with him, stopping to intercede with Capt. Williams in behalf of Herr Wagner, who was trying to play one of his own compositions, and who was not, as Captain CAPTAIN WILLIAMS PRESERVES THE PEACE. comicbooks.com