Life — December 9, 1886 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: THE CHRISTMAS PRAYER OF THE CRITIC. Y DEAR OLD SAINT NICHOLAS: I venture to write An importunate letter before Christmas night, And beg that in kindness you won't overlook The many good fellows who've written a book. When you.load up your sleigh with fine bonbons and toys, Just throw in a haversack full for the boys. There’s Howells, who holds that the writing of fiction Is only a juggling with elegant diction, That romance is dead, and sentiment silly, And only the commonplace worthy of ‘ Billy.” Well, bring for him over the Stygian river A blessing from Hugo, warm humor from Lever, Some pathos from Thackeray, genius from Poe, One fancy from Hawthorne to pad out a row Of clinical novels ; —a glimmer from Scott — Don’t spare in your giving, he needs the whole lot. And ship Henry James a similar hamper, With patent condensing verbosity damper. For the whole Boston School, with their culture and vanity, Provide an abundance of common humanity, And freely bestow it on Wendell and Grant, On Stimson and Wheelwright and Bates ;— and implant Some measure of kindness instead of disdain, And a little respect for the creeds that remain. Then whip up your reindeer and drive to this town Prepared to make happy our men of renown. THE PATHETIC SIDE, “Should any catastrophe break off a runner, Improve the. occasion to ‘‘ put up” with Bunner. Brander Matthews will give you a hearty, warm greeting Just leave him a plot as good as ‘‘ The Last Meeting,” But spice it a little with kindly affection. For cynical Fawcett’s intrusive inspection Display a new lot of elaborate fashions ; — He writes of our toggery, not of our passions. For Luska unravel some dark legal clues, ‘And give him more portraits of typical Jews. ‘The genius of Hawthorne is soaring and fine, Yet needs to be driven with‘ very tight line; So harness his Pegasus.fastto the World When out of their orbit his fancies are whirled. Let Bishop dispense ‘‘ Golden Justice ” at par, And Lathrop still scintillate hitched toa Star. For Boyeson, Henderson, Bunce and DeKay Bring plots without number, and stories that pay. Then take along jump to the Tennessee Mountains, Find Craddock a dreaming by ‘translucent ” fountains, And calling the moonlight ‘‘ quiescent, elusive, Unprescient, insistant, remonstrant, intrusive ;”” And give hera primer of old English words As simple and sweet as the songs of our birds. If there’s anything left when you get farther West, Let Howe, out in Kansas, come in for the best. In the South Uncle Remus will greet you, and maybe You'll ask him to send us another ‘‘ Tar Baby.” Wherever you journey, o’er river and loch, Remember the writers, and Yours truly, THE OTHER SIDE, comicbooks.com