Life — November 18, 1886 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

312 itself with his legs, and, its interference with locomotion thrust upon him a moment of awful calmness. The stairs, he reflected, had already threatened him grievously; if he now ventured upon them, they would inevitably let him down into some ramification of the frightful abyss into which he had just looked! That, he felt, would be his certain fate. Unable to take his eyes off the door, he backed up to the sashless window, climbed therein, and was stealthily preparing to jump for a convenient sand-drift, when his dilated eyes beheld the mysterious door—inch by inch—slowly, but surely opening! The sight fascinated him ; he could not move, and that awful silence—no longer an outward flowing wave, but suctional, gradually widening its circles as the door opened more and more! He felt that he must soon succumb to its irresistible power; but suddenly a crash as though the roof had fallen in startled him into action — just as the squeak had done —and he made a wild and despairing leap for the sand-pile. He landed upon it, but, having slightly miscalculated the distance, | his knees and chin collided with a mighty shock. Smallpins thought that by a new and very instantaneous operation unknown to surgery, all the stars in the firmament had been trepanned in his frontispiece, | and he rolled down to the waters’ edge just as a big briny wave reared its foam-crested front, broke and ran gleefully up the sands. It filled his shoes with water, soaked his immaculate wrist-linen, and rescued ‘him from a state of semi-unconsciousness. But when the Monarch of all he surveyed had fished his hat out of a puddle, it gradually dawned upon his shaken-up faculties that the clatter, sounding like the simul- taneous arousal of a myriad of belligerent ghosts, was caused by the stout stick slipping from his nerveless grasp and rebounding upon the bare, reverberant floor. B. Zim. HE young man who is “saddest when he sings” has others. A LANDLORD'S MISTAKE. “cc ANDLORD,” said an angry hotel guest, “there was no soap in my room last night.” “No Soap?” repeated the landlord, who was looking over the register, “I beg your pardon, my dear sir, it was my mis- take. I thought you registered from Kentucky.” evidently a keen appreciation of the sufferings of ‘LIFE: Teacher : WHAT 1S YOUR FATHER'S OCCUPATION ? New Pupil: 1 MUSTN'T TELL. Teacher : BUT YOU must TELL. N. P. (after much hesitation): HE 18 THE BEARDED WOMAN AT THE GLOBE MUSEUM. M ANY people mistake poor health for religion. E XPOSED to many a trying situation — The juryman. TRUE CHRISTIAN FEELING. ARSON : Well, sexton, how do the people resume their religious duties after the summer vacation? Do you think they have the true Christian sentiment in their hearts? SEXTON: Oh, yes, sir. I’m quite sure ofit. There wasn’t but one button and one plugged coin on the plate this. | morning. THE FORCE OF HABIT. LA CARICATURE, comicbooks.com