Life — November 4, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: A NEW ENGLISH INDUSTRY. The Peer Transportation Co. (LimITED) OF LONDON Begs leave to call the attention of American theatrical managers to its UNRIVALED FACILITIES for furnishing any grade of BRITISH NOBLEMEN FOR - =: EXHIBITION PURPOSES. It has in stock a fine assortment of MARQUISES, EARLS and VISCOUNTS? and for common uses, an endless variety of LORDS, BARONS and KNIGHTS. By careful attention to the bankruptcy courts we have been able to assist these noblemen in their difficulties, and in return they have placed themselves and their titles at our service. We also control several Popular Actresses with Lords in waiting, so that we are able to supply the two together, if that is desired. ‘These lords cannot be secured separately. We expect very shortly to complete arrangements with a certain frugal Royal ‘Duke, the Duke of E—nb—gh. His skill on the violin is well known, and he is willing to exhibit it. He can only be engaged for select private theatricals, and for a very limited time. We are prepared to send any other nobleman to any part of the United States where his presence may be desired, and we guarantee that he shall wear loud clothes, drop his aitches and drink to excess, so that there may be no danger of his being mistaken for a counterfeit. He will have no objection to having his name associated in any manner with any lady of the company, and will be prepared to quarrel with any husband, stage or otherwise. The price for these services depends upon the rank of the noble visi- tor. An English earl comes very high—$ro0o a week, but Scotch and Irish earls, and earls of the United Kingdom can be furnished at half- price. We have a few English earls of DAMAGED REPUTATION on whom we are prepared to make a slight reduction, but for an unblemished article the price given will be maintained. The earl will be bound by the contract to occupy a conspicuous seat in the theatre every night, and to rise and bow when the orchestra plays “ Rule Brittania.” | He will also promenade through the principal streets with the leading lady in the afternoon. We have a few barons who would have no objection to taking the position of interlocutors or end men in a minstrel show. Our engagement with Lord R—nd—ph Ch—ch—1 begins on December 1, and we would suggest his great fitness as an attraction e is now available. a French opera bouffe company. In addition to noblemen we can also furnish WELL-KNOWN LoNDON EDITORS, when they are not engaged in serving time in JAIL. By giving us due notice we can secure them on the expiration of their sentences. It would be idle for us to call the attention of our prospective patrons to the advantages of securing such a great attraction as a LIVE ENGLISH LORD to accompany their show through the States. We will send with them full accounts of all SPICY ADVENTURES in their past lives, so that an earnest public attention may be attracted to them. ‘We require one-half payment in advance and the balance on com- pletion of contract. Address at once THE PEER TRANSPORTATION CO. (LIMITED), 11 CECIL STREET, STRAND, E. C., London, England. He would do well with Lady: 1 CAN GIVE YOU A LITTLE MORE OF THAT CLAM CHOWDER IF YOU WANT IT, Tramp: THANK you, I'VE HAD ALL I WANT, AN BESIDES YOU'LL NEED WHAT'S LEFT TO WASH THE DISHES WITH. A MODERN LUXURY. IS clothes, which are of London make, Are fine as ofe could choose; His hat was bought in Regent street, As likewise were his shoes ; His neckties are from London too, His stick is English fir, And he has a cockney accent That’s bound to make a stir. He’s not an Anglo-maniac With dollars more than wit, Nor yet a British gentleman Who’s trav'ling ‘round a bit. He'll hire out very promptly to The swell who can afford The luxury of keeping an Ex-valet to a lord. Charles Stokes Wayne. HE Israelites were probably the first people whom his- tory mentions who painted the town red. R. S. V. P. A ethnologist is endeavoring to prove that Adam was a monkey, but we rather incline to the theory that he was a swine, for was not Eve made out of a spare rib? A Loup wedding ring — That of the church-bell,. comicbooks.com