Life, 1886-10-28 · page 5 of 16
Life — October 28, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Burglar Bed" - Life Magazine This is a satirical piece about an invention marketed to newly married couples worried about burglary. The "automatic" bed features mechanical mechanisms that supposedly catch intruders: when a burglar enters, electric wires trigger the bed to fold up or collapse, trapping him beneath while the sleeping occupants escape safely to the floor. The humor targets both the anxieties of young homeowners and the period's obsession with mechanical "solutions" to everyday problems. The illustrations show the contraption in action—a burglar caught mid-heist as the bed mechanisms activate. The satire suggests this elaborate device is impractical and ridiculous, mocking both burglar paranoia and over-engineered gadgetry. The note that "five hundred of these beds have been ordered for Vassar" adds a layer of absurdist humor about the invention's supposed popularity.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE~ THE BURGLAR BED. Ss A and souvenirs the eighty-fourth day of married life, and when the night of such an occasion arrives, the blushing wife is richer by the presentation of sundry brick ovens, brick houses, and érz¢-d-brac in general, while the popular husband has a brick in his hat, and several bri-kbats (the gifts | of admiring creditors) grouped in his foyer. Such an auburn income is a boon to those young couples who start house- keeping with a fancy lamp and a card receiver. But unfortunately, the presence | of such valuables often tempt the burglar to join the family circle, the bedstead, at the sound of the foreign footstep in the hall, and the f larcenous fingers upon the latch. Vy Beneath the bed is certainly a good place to be at such a moment, but, alas, you cannot always reach there on schedule time; | and even if you succeed in getting out of sight, you leave | a bed which points tovery recent occupancy, and, the | burglar, therefore, may suspect your near-by presence and hunt for you. Again, you may not wake until the burglar is actually in the room, when of course it is too late to move, and you have nothing to do but to deceive him with the idea that you all society circles know, the Brick Wedding celebrates | | | | | causing the inmates to start promptly | for the large open space beneath | 257 have been dead thirty-four days, your heart all the while thumping the springs, until one after another they are broken off short. It is claimed that the new Burglar Bed will remedy all the evils of the cracksman’s night. Inthe first place, this new bed is automatic — instantly automatic ; and being connected by electric wires with all the doors and windows, will start its work the instant the burglar attempts an entrance, and finish before he gets into the room. The sleeper, without any act on his part, is simply deposited on the floor beneath, and, withal, so gently as not even to awaken him. The bed proper is composed of two longitudinal sections, each of which revolves on pivots toward the center, making an opening, through which the sleeper drops to the floor beneath. The two sections repeating their revolution, come together again with the uuder side now on top. This under | side is simply a well made-up dummy bed, which, when the burglar sees it, at once convinces him that no one has been occupying the room, consequently the sleeper, safely out of sight below, is left undisturbed. Five hundred of these beds have been ordered for Vassar THE BED IN OPERATION. comicbooks.com