Life — October 14, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIEB E.: AT PRS AT NvLLy THE WASHINGTON DUDE. CENE—F street car, Saturday afternoon, Dramatis personz — Three young ladies, Treasury clerks, and an ultra-exquisite dude, strangers all around. Dupe (¢o young lady nearest fare-box): Aw, may I twouble you, Miss, to pwass my fwaiah ? handing the young lady a quarter, which she ‘“dwops” in the “ bwox.” Dude fidgets about a few moments, and then addressing the young lady, says ; Aw, pawdon me, Miss, but that was a qwartah you dwop- ped in the bwox. YOUNG LaDy (gractously) : Oh, was it ? Well, I guess they'll let you ride for a quarter. Dude sucks his cane and tries to think.— Washington Critic. Ir is said that a “mule cannot bray if a brick be tied to his tail.” Yes, but what becomes of the man who engineers the brick ?— Bur- Lington Free Press. On a first glimpse of the sea—‘ Astonishing! Who would have thought there could be as much water as that ?” “True ; and remem- ber you only see what's on top." —7#d-Bits. OmaHa man—“ Came by way of St, Louis, eh? Anything new down there?” Chicago man—‘‘ Nothing that I heard of, except that they are getting up acorporation for the prevention of premature burials.” Omaha man—‘ Well, I suppose it is rather difficult to tell whether a St. Louis man is alive or not."— Omaha World. 233 One morning this week the son of a prominent Estelline man: arrived at school about a half-hour late. “See here,” said the teacher, with considerable emphasis, ‘“ you're tardy just thirty minutes. Have you an excuse ?” “Why, yes, sir; you’re— you know some fellers were havin’ a little horse race down at the track, an’ I went down an’.—” “Been to a horse race, have you? Come here, sir !” and he grasped the boy by the collar. “Wew-w’-y, I-I t-hought you wouldn’t care,” blubbered the young- ster, ‘if I only stayed just a few minutes!” “Thought I wouldn’t care! Well, I'll show you. Why didn't you come up and let me know about ‘the race and I would have dis- missed school, so that we all could have seen it ? I'll teach you to remem- ber next time when there is a chance for the school to improve their minds!” and he reached for a two-foot rule.—Zstelline Bell. SHEER NONSENSE. MoTHER: Are you going to take Bobby to the circus this afternoon ? FATHER : No, these circuses are all nonsense. He will be better off for not going. MOTHER: The poor little fellow will be disappointed. But what makes you so late to dinner, dear FATHER: I have been down to the depot watching them take the elephants off the train.— New York Sun. RENEWED INTEREST. HuspanD: You know that pretty Mrs, F. ? ‘Wire: For goodness sake, John, don’t talk about that pretty Mrs. F, I can't go anywhere without hearing her praises sounded, until I am sick to death of the sound of her name. Huspanp: I was only going to tell you of a rumor I heard about her to-day. Wire: A rumor? Oh, John, tell me all about it; that’s a good soul.—New York Sun, HEADQUARTERS FOR STRAIGHT WHISKIES, “OLD CROW" « HERMITACE, SOUR MASH. Sold absolutely pure, unsweetened, uncolored. Various ages. None sold less than four years o Reliable for medical use. We have taken every barrel of Rye Whisky made at the Old Crow Distillery since January, 1872. Sole Agents for The Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Full lines of reliable Foreign Wines, Liquors and Segars. H.B. KIRK & CO. 69 FULTON ST., BROADWAY sno 27TH ST., AND 9 WARREN STREET. ESTABLISHED 1853. COPYRIGHTED. CELEBRATED HATS AND LADIES’ ROUND HATS. LADIES’ TAILOR. HABIT MAKER and HATTER oF 19 EAST 21sr STREET, NEW YORK, SOLICITS an Inspection of his Fall Importations in Woolens and Fabrics We Selected from Leading QF Manufacturers in Euro- 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., . NEW YORK. 9r4 Chestnut St., Phila. pean markets. : ‘Designs and Styles in Novelties certain to lease are now to be seen yy patrons.and ladies who require a Perfect Fit and Sirictly Tailor Made “A Cuicaco man has applied for a patent fra /\) for a bath-tub. He seems to think it a new WRAY the idea.— Omaha World. : SomeBopy wants to know if it wasn't “ Pris- | cilla the Puritan maiden that came over the Atlantic in the Mayflower.”— Ex. CROSBY'S VITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Strengthens the intellect, restores lost functions, builds up worn-out nerves, promotes good digestion, cures all weaknesses and nervousness. 56 West asTH Street, Naw York. For Sate py Druccists, ox Matt, $1.00. Palmer House, Chicago. ete., rive, House or Rupinc Hasrts Mave or Fauttiass Frr. “LIFE’S VERSES!” Composed of the best poems, selected from ‘Life,"” beautifully bound and illustrated. Cover in colors. The daintiest book ever published. Price, $1.50, postage paid. Also, “THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.” Second Series. Price, $2.0 Send remittance by check to order of + LIFE + 1155 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. “« My dear child, how considerate you are! This Rhenish Cologne is so refreshing and agreeabl. is really a luxury to one so old and infirm as your grandmother.” LUNDBORC’S RHENISH COLOGNE. “Refreshing and agreeable” to young and old. ° comicbooks.com