Life — October 14, 1886 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

: LIFE : Major Quiz (Ex-Confederate): Sav, PADDY, WERE YOU AT Butt. Run ? Paddy: Ol WAS, SUR. Major Quiz: AND DID YOU RUN ? Paddy: Parti, Ot pip, SUR; AND ALL THAT DIDN'T RUN ARE THERE YET. THE TUNEFUL LUYER. YOUNG English dandy named Guyer Went'to visit one night his Maruyer, But the near-sighted fool Took the stove for a stool, And set his best trousers on fuyer. PROVIDED FOR. “ HERE is my wife,” said the | duelist to his second, in a voice broken with emotion, “if I am | killed she will be left alone in this cold, cold world; but thank Heaven I am rich, and if the worst comes to the worst, she will be provided for.” “You ought to write her a letter,” suggested the second. “Twill, and in case I fall, will you deliver it?” “Certainly,” responded the second, endeavoring to keep the tears back, “and by the way, old fellow, just say a good word for me.” EDITOR’S DRAWER. A CORRESPONDENT in Philadelphia sends us the fol- lowing anecdotes of Hood, which we think are new to our readers: The lamented Tom Hood was an inveterate punster. At a soirée at Madam de Staél’s, at which were present Lord Brougham, Curran, Addison, Mark Twain, and other noted wits,a voluble commoner recited in a loud and bullying manner his grievances with the incumbent administration, ending his remarks with the statement, “I'll make Rome howl!” Hood, without moving a muscle of his face, responded, “ Howl you do it?” The effect can better be imagined than described. | At another time, while Hood was rusticating in Spain, he | received an invitation to be present at court, which he gladly | accepted. When he arrived, he found the palace brilliantly | lighted, and on entering the dining-hall he perceived with astonishment that all the wealth and beauty of the kingdom | were present. Entering unannounced, what was his amazement to see, | sitting at the right hand of the king, his old friend, Christopher Columbus, a-coming the old gag of standing an egg on end. When the applause of the multitude had ceased, and Columbus was on the point of rising to a speech, Hood, with perfect equanimity, exclaimed, in a disgusted tone, “Chestnut!” and | rang a little bell attached to his waistcoat. The laugh which | followed so disconcerted Columbus that he left the room. | The king afterwards presented Hood with a check for a | thousand guineas, for having saved him (the king) from investing untold millions in wildcat western securities. a tes | A NEW THEORY FOR THE OLD MILL AT NEWPORT. HE mien of the Manhattan Club “Not very profound because tt ts so obviously true, but the truisms of thinkers are very do not take socialism in theirs. | daring speculations in the temples of tradition.” —P G, HAMERTON. LIFE hopes the governors know what socialism is, There is a rumor that they Aunt Ethel: ALICE, DEAR, NOBODY KNOWS JUST WHAT THAT Is, OR WHY IT WAS believe the new cd requires the substi. MADE, BUT IT IS THOUGHT TO BE THE WORK OF THE NORSE EXPLORERS WHO CAME HERE, = ik ‘"q! "| OH, EVER SO MANY YEARS AGO, NOW, IF ANYBODY ASKS YOU WHAT IT IS, WHAT WILL tution of dynamite for Angostura bitters | you say? in mixed, drinks, and hence their fright. Alice: Jumpo! comicbooks.com