Life — September 30, 1886 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FAIR START, ANYHOW. | “ce R. CHAIRMAN,” said a member of the Committee on Resolu- | tions, ‘‘your committee has made a good beginning on a platform, but finds itself unable to proceed without the voice of the convention.” CHarRMAN: Will the gentleman please read such of the proposed platform as the committee has been able to complete unaided ? CoMMITTEEMAN: Yes, sir (Reads) ‘We, the people, view with alarm——” That is as far as the committee has proceeded.— 7he Chicago News, | HOW THE OLD TAR FELT. STRANGER: You say you have been shipwrecked four times ? SalLor: Aye, aye, me hearty. STRANGER: And what are your sensations when the wild waves break over you and you feel yourself sinking under the water ? afSattor : Damp. — Texas Siftings. CIVIL SERVICE REFORM. “DID you pass the civil service examination ?” “‘T don’t know yet, but I got the right answers to some questions.” ““Which ones were those ?” ““T answered all right when they asked me what my name was and what State I was born in.” — Ex. “ DearEsT, I love you, best girl. success.” Fly with me,” said a base-ball player to his “I would,” said the fair one, ‘only it would never be a “Why not?” “ Well, you know you are always caught on the fly, and——” But he rang the gong, and fled. — New York Sun. | STRAICHT WHISKIES, “OLD CROW” « HERMITACE, SOUR MASH. Sold absolutely pure, unsweetened, uncolored. Various ages, None sold less than four years old. Reliable for medical use. We have taken every barrel of Rye Whisky made at the Old Crow Distillery since January, 1872. Sole Agents for The Pleasant Valley Wine Co. Full lines of reliable Foreign Wines, Liquors and,Segars. H.B. KIRK & CO. 69 FULTON ST., BROADWAY ano 27TH ST., AND 9 WARREN STREET. LADIES' Palmer House, Chicago. | another in getting out the door, an gine ats Se COPYRIGHTED. CELEBRATED HATS AND ROUND HATS. 178 & 180 Fifth Ave., bet. 22d & 23d Sts., and 181 Broadway, near Cortland St., NEW YORK. WELL-FOUNDED DISAPPROBATION. A Baptist minister in Sheffield was speaking of a certain young man living in the place. “No,” said the divine, ‘I don’t like him. He is a low, worthless fellow, and I don’t want anything to do with him under any circum- stances.” “« My dear,” interposed his wife, ‘it isn’t right to talk that way about any one. The boy is young yet and may reform.” “No, he never will.” “ But you mustn't be so severe on him ; if you would try you might possibly help him to be something better.” “*T shall never try. If he should come into my church, I would con- | sider it my duty to order him out.” “Don't talk that way! What has he done to cause you to have such unchristian feelings against him ?” “What has he done? Well, he’s done enough. He's got a trick of | making a noise like two dogs fighting, and for the last two Sabbaths he’s got under one of the church windows and run out the whole con- gregation: I tell you it would make you have unchristian feelings to look up from a long prayer and see your congregation falling over one d hear the leading deacon shouting that he'll bet two-pound-ten’ on either dog!” — London Sunday | Chronicle. “I REGRET to zay zat Mademoiselle Fayette eez a leetle horse zis evening,” explained a French manager to an English-speaking audi- ence, who had assembled to hear a prima donna sing. “Trot her out, then, if she’s a little horse,” bellowed an_ urchin whose feet hung over the railing on the gods’ gallery. — Car? Pretzel’s Weekly. LieuTenant Henn’s next challenge ought to be made on the bicycle plan of seeing how much time can be consumed in going a given distance. — Columbus Dispatch. LADIES’ TAILOR. HABIT.MAKER and HATTER, oF 19 EAST 2ter STREET, NEW YORK, OLICIT'S an Inspection of his Fail Importations in Woolens and Fabrics Selected from Leading Manufacturers in Euro- pean markets. Designs and Styles in ,, Novelties certain to ih, piss are now to beseen “by patrons and ladies who erfect Fit Tailor Made ‘oats, Gowns, ’ete., for require a and S rietl Jackets, 914 Chestnut St., Phila. “ My dear child, how considerate you are! This Rhenish Cologne is so refreshing and agreeable it is really a luxury to one so old and infirm as your grandmother.” LUNDBORO’S RHENISH COLOGNE. “Refreshing and agreeable” to young and old. \ IN THE RESTAURANT: Garcon, are you sure | that this fish is fresh ? Ah, monsieur, of that it is impossible for me to say. I have only been in the place a week.— French Wit. House or Rioine Hasits Mave oF Favctirss Fit. PRIESTLEY §-NEW SILK WARP FABRICS. Among the new materials especially commended is the Clairette, also shown with a border for veils. sufficiently black to be. assumed even in deep early spring. Gypsy Cloth isan etamine ine and art This soft, dainty fabric seems impervious to hardship, and while light in weight, is ‘onvent cloth will be much worn in the in draping. while firm in texture. ‘This Pansy is a soft twill, fine and beautiful, and will undoubtedly prove a favorite.—Delineator. “LIFE’S VERSES!” ms, selected from ‘ Life,” beautifully bound and illustrated. Cover in the daintiest book ever published. Price. $1.50, postage paid. Also, “THE GOOD THINGS OF LIFE.” Second Series. ice, $2. ittance by check to order of Price, $2.50 Send remittanre Pie 1155 BROADWAY, NEW YORK. comichoo!