Life — August 19, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FORTY-DAY CRUISE IN THE “ARK.” CHAPTER IV. IN THE TRADE-WINDS. OR nearly thirty days we had been driven hither and thither (principally thither) on the bosom of the vasty deep. But lately we. have been bowling along with- | out much change in direc- tion, and this steadfast- ness in course leads me to think that we have at last struck the “ trade-winds,” the source of which still remains to be discovered. Flying-fish abound; that is, they give a bound and land on deck, where they flop help- HE TRIED TO GET OFF THE “MONKEY AND PARROT” lessly until thrown back into the water. We had never seen them before, and Japheth -LIFE- brought his gun with the idea that if they flew low enough he might bag some, and his mother could trim a bonnet with their wings. Mrs. Noah, however, objects sin¢e she has seen them. Flying-fish do n't look any- thing like canaries. I am aware that there is nothing very startling or novel about that last remark, but this does not pretend to bea nov- el; it is simply a narrative, |_ and like most yacht-owning amateur authors I rely en- tirely upon the illustrations to make the book sell. Every day we play quoits on the lower deck and bet on the run of the 4ré for the preced- ing twenty-four hours. To settle the wagers, I heave the log. The other day Shem, Ham and myself came very near heaving Japheth. He tried to get off the “monkey and parrot” story on us as having happened to himself that very morning. Japheth is the freshest thing on board. My grandfather, Methuselah, used to say that that story was a chestnut when he was a boy, and I heard it hundreds of times before Japheth was born. If it wasn’t for those monkeys, though, it sToRY. 105 would be rather morotonous. Provisions are getting short, and some of the animals are very lean and hungry. Our milch cow is so SHEM HAS TO HOLD HER UP WHILE HAM MILKS HER. weak that Shem has to hold her up while Ham milks her. We live mainly on condensed milk, Last Friday Japheth announced that he had killed the old rooster that he used to call ‘‘ Robinson.” I asked him why he called him ‘ Robinson,”.and he said it was because he Cru-soe. Just think of making such a pun on Friday. If the waters don’t abate pretty soon I don’t know what will become of us THE DOG DAYS HAVE COME. E savagely answered her soft good-night, And, stifling his wrath, strode away, . For his new white tile, of a favorite style, Had been used by her dog, in play. N Harper’s “ Drawer,” for August, there is a story be- ginning as follows: “It was a banker in Pennsylvania, who never made or saw a joke, aged seventy.” In this respect the banker showed less regard for chestnuts than Harper's “ Drawer.” England a candidate “stands” for an office. In this country he ‘runs ” for it. This shows who want the offices the most. A NEW NAME FOR IT. OLICEMAN DELAHANTY was up before the Com- missioners for “ getting drunk on duty.” We always thought that “the finest ” got drunk on something else from the frequency with which we have seen them openly visit bars, nor did we believe that they were so fond of duty as to get drunk on it. THE crossest looking man is never the crossest. IT WOULD N’T INTERFERE. RMY OFFICER (to Secretary of War): Yes, I ’ve been wanting to have my assignment changed for some time from the East to the West, for reasons I have ex- plained to you. I might add that I am a graduate of West Point. Secretary. of War: Oh, well, I don’t think that would be any detriment to the change. “ HY do n't the newspaper men of the country step to the front ?” asks an exchange. Their modesty about exhibiting the patches in the rear may have something to do with the matter. HERE were six births in the steerage of a recently arrived steamer on her trip from Bremen. The offi- cers of the vessel report a very squally voyage. MORNING paper asks: “ What is the reward for lying?” The hired girl who answers the door bell and tells visitors the family has gone to the seaside receives about $3 a week, we believe. THERE is no shell to a Kentucky nut; it’s all kurnal. comicbooks.com