Life — July 29, 1886 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: ECHOES FROM SUMMER RESORTS. LAKE MOHUNK, N. Y., July 11th. EAR MR. EDITOR—The peculiarly religious atmos- phere of this place puts me in a frame of mind that is particularly suitable to writing to you. It is Sunday, and according to the hotel rules there is a fine of two dollars for desecrating the Sabbath with penmanship, but as the lady in the next room with the hay fever is, for her, comparatively quiet, and the old gentleman in the room on my other side who enjoys the asthma has apparently given up the ghost, I feel that I must seize this moment of comparative quiet to relieve your gnawing anxieties. You will be glad to hear that I am at present carrying my four score years and ten with an ease and lightness that is truly surprising, and only to be explained by the fact that I am the youngest of all the guests assembled here, the rule of the hotel being—as you know—that no one under sixty years of age shall be allowed to become an inmate, and you must produce your certificate of birth when making application. This rule tends to preserve the religious calm of the place and acts as a check upon all undue frivolity. Our host is a most exemplary individual and a Canon of the Quaker church, a sort of quaker gun, so to speak. He is assisted by a corps of what in England would be called “proctors,” who keep a strict watch upon the guests and administer fines and reprimands for smiling, speaking above a whisper, being late to prayers, etc., etc. We arise at half-past four in the morning ; have prayers by our host from five to seven; we then march in to breakfast, and, after a half-hour’s “ grace,” are allowed ten minutes to dispose of our portion of dried apples and warm water. We are then given ten minutes to black our own shoes, and then back again to prayers, which last until the hour for dinner, which meal is dispensed with, as we have been so stuffed with spiritual comfort that there is no room for anything else. In the afternoon our host usually delivers a lecture upon the evils of luxuriousness, or dilates upon the wickedness of lem- onade ; after which more prayers, which last until the guests hiccough so from emptiness that the voice of the speaker is drowned, and we are permitted to go in to tea, which is but a repetition of the breakfast. : The old lady in the next room has begun to wheeze again so badly that I must go down to prayers, so no more at present. Monbay, 13th.—We are strictly temperate here, nothing stronger than rain water—and but little of that—being al- lowed in the house. In fact, there is so much stress laid upon prohibition here, that I was both surprised and pleased to find last evening that our host maintained a private bar in the rear of the wood-shed, admittance to which could be ob- tained by paying one dollar, and swearing eternal secrecy on both the old and revised versions of the Bible. As the death of the old gentleman with the asthma left me in the embar- rassing position of being the only male guest in the house, I naturally felt very lonely, so much so that I may have possi- bly made too thorough an examination of the bar's resources; at all events I am feeling very poorly this morning—in fact, 59 I do n't think this place agrees with me, and if I-can manage to pay all my fines I think I shall set sail for Newport as soon as possible. And so, for the present, “Farewell, O Araby's daughter !” RK. COWLING, Howling, Worry, Flurry; Making haste and hurry-scurry ; Making clear one’s plans or wishes ; Setting forth the mind’s best dishes To a friend or any other, Or an enemy, or brother, To be viewed by him or gobbled Is to run a race quite hobbled. Scowling, Growling, Winking, Blinking ; Thinking we are great at thinking ; Taking part and still imparting In a dialogue while smarting From remarks of gall or honey: This, or That, or Money, Money, Is of no avail, my brother ; In this life or any other. A.B, HE peach crop has failed again. yields 5,976,843,265,0312 bushels. only turn out 7,912,460,029,112} bushels. Delaware generally This year she will WHERE THEY SHOULD LIVE. OVERS about to propose—Alaska. Engaged couples—Lapland. Highwaymen—Andover. Chicken thieves—Aroostook. Ladies who faint while waltzing—Dantzic. Calves and babies—Fond du Lac. AN AFTER-DINNER SPEECH—“ Check, sir.”