Life — June 17, 1886 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

341 THE MODERN MOTHER. ce ILLFUL girl! when princes wed Of love and faith is nothing said, They do not talk of love divine, But choose a mate to help their line. And why have you that charming face If not to aid your needy race? Were you enriched with arms so white And eyes so full of liquid light, Or with that figure’s rounded grace, So fit to match thy queenly face,— Did Fortune give you all these charms To waste in some poor lover's arms ? Go marry money while you may, Many a millionaire will pay A princely price, and buy with joy So pleasing and so rare a toy.” The daughter does as she is told And brings much money when she's sold, And though her face is sometimes sad Her kindred now are sleek and glad. F. S. Palmer. THE CHUM IN ITALY. Your Special Correspondent and Chum to the Potentates is now taking a triumphal tour through Italy with Umberto, The first reception of note tendered the Royal Party, as Um- berto and I call ourselves, he being the Royal and I the Party, was at Venice, where the Board of Doges handed me the Freedom of the Flood, in a gilt repoussé box. It was set in diamonds, and con- sisted chiefly of a free pass to a Mosaic Manufactory and ten per cent. discount on my Gondola fees. Umberto, fortunately for my purse, gave me a hint in regard to the Mosaic Manufactory, which was that I had best beware of all such devices. It costs nothing to get in on a free pass, but it generally renders a man bankrupt to get out. The morning after our arrival in Venice I missed the King on waking. My first thought was that he had been charmed with the cheque suit that I invariably wear on state occasions and had made away with it; but an examination of the throne, upon which I had hung my clothes before retiring, showed that my suspicions were unjust. Asa rule, it is not wise to trust the Italians too far ; but all travelers may feel certain of one thing—that there is no reason why one’s wearing ap- parel should not be left within reach of the most unscrupulous king. T have invariably found this to be the case. On dressing for the day, I walked to the window overlooking the Grand Canal, and there on the front stoop stood the King, with his crown full of bait and a fishing-pole in his hand. ~ “ Ab Lthere, Kingo !"" I cried, “* what are you doing on the stoopo ?” His reply, while audible and comprehensible to me, would not be so to your readers, In effect, he was catching the first course of a State Banquet to be given that evening in my honor. At noon Umberto challenged me to a swim in the Grand Canal, from the Rialto fo the Dogana di Mare and back. I had no bathing suit and had to decline. The King offered me one of Victor Emanuel’s ex-swimming costumes, but the weight of the gold lace on it sent me lige Se oe Re plump to the bottom, and it was long after dark before I was dredged out again, so that the race had to be given up. In the course of my resuscitation Umberto, as became a Royal Host, kept me company after the barrel rolling was over and the work of building up the dampened system began. We were both resuscitated to such a degree that after a while there were four of me and three of Umberto, which enabled me, after a long and solemn consultation with the King, to depose him and declare myself monarch, after which we retired. As I forgot to take off my diadem before retiring, it was proved to my satisfaction that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, and Umberto, who had omitted a like formality with his boots, observed the same thing at the other extreme. The Doges were so shocked at our behavior that the Government and I left Venice the next morning and are now engaged in coloring ancient Rome. Carlyle Smith. POST-MORTEM LUXURIES. HE “Cremation Company, Limited,” of Milan, boasts that the finest views of the snow-capped Alps in the city are to be seen from its establishment. As the business of the company is increasing it is to be presumed that there is considerable comfort to be derived from gazing on a snow-capped A!p while undergoing inciner- ation. OF COURSE. WE sympathize much more with a murderer than we do with a suicide. We can understand a man's desire to take another's. Lire, but to voluntarily deprive one’s self of it is past comprehension. $5 per annum, comicbooks.com