Life — June 17, 1886 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE question now agitating the breasts of college men, in college matters, is whether Yale or Harvard will win at New London in the great university boat race. There has been all sorts of a rumpus up at New Haven over the discharge of Chainey, the English coach. All kinds of reports have been circulated about it, and, as usual, a great deal of sorry nonsense has found its way into the daily papers. The fact of the matter is just this: Chainey trained the crew for six weeks, at $25 a train, and the crew did not improve. any other unsatisfactory servant. R. ROBERT COOK has once more taken charge of the Yale crew. This has led to more nonsense in the daily papers. They talk about Cook’s bringing victory out of the heart of defeat. Cook is very clever, but he can- not train a poor crew to beat a good one. Harvard has the best men and the best stroke. It does not require any deep sagacity under the circumstances to predict that Harvard will win the race. * . * M R, EDWARD PAYSON WESTON, walker, has a new idea. He is going to have a grand military walking match at a resort on the Sound, beginning June st. This military business has a smack of charlatanism about it. Some one ought to arise in the pride of his youth and suppress Weston. He is honest enough, but his intellect would not suffice to steer a mosquito. As Dick Deadeye— heaven forgive me the chestnut—said of Sir Foseph Porter, “He means well, but he do n't know.” . * * ~HERE is so much interest in the new yachts built to compete for the honor of defending the America’s cup that little is heard of the Purztan. Those who do not want to be on the left side of affairs should pull up a bit and con- sider. A yacht never sails as well in her first season as she does in ‘her second. Last season was the Purttan's first. She ought, by all rules, to do much better this year than she did last. If she does what it is reasonable to expect of her, some people are going to be surprised and grieved. * * . | AST year she proved herself to be the most remarkable On the first tack coming in from the Cholera Banks on the last day’s race she outfooted the Genesta and crossed her bows inside of three miles. It was blowing forty-seven miles an hour at the time, a wind which was decidedly in the LIFE | and likewise of those fair ones whose interest centres Mr. Chainey thereupon received his dismissal like | boat at going to windward ever seen in these waters. | | Genesta's favor. It was all the tug Luckenbach could do to keep ahead of the Purttan after she had laid her course for the lightship. I cannot do the readers of this paper a better service than to bid them look for the Purstan. Tricotrin. A SURPRISE. TRANGER (visiting city): Say, mister, what's that ere big stone buildin’, an orphune asylum ? Citizen: Why, no, my dear sir, that’s the office of the daily and weekly Grvem/fits, just erected with accumulated dividends. Stranger: Gosh all fish-hooks! The deuce you say. Why, I got mad at the editor and stopped that ere paper mor 'n five years ago, and supposed of course the consarn had busted up and quit. WOMEN AND UMBRELLAS. | AM a fem believer in Woman Suffrage. Women preachers edify me, women lecturers delight me, women doctors thrill me, women telephone clerks enchant me, and women barbers are to me a source of fifteen-cent joy. Woman's rights should be respected. In the pul- pit and in tights, before the bar and behind it, woman must have her place. Against one thing, however, in the name of humanity and eyeballs, I must protest—the right of women to carry umbrellas. To the maniac who never goes out in a rain storm (except when it may be raining in London and dry here) this may seem absurd ; it may even be the unhappy cause of illumining the face of some drum-brained | pessimist with a smile—but sensible democrats will agree with me. On a rainy day a woman with an umbrella is a terror; on a drizzly night she isa fiend incarnate, ‘This innocent and useful contrivance ‘once placed in the grasp of a woman becomes a hideous and deadly weapon, In every well appointed rainstorm you may observe that sheolian combination—a woman with an umbrella, Unmindful of aught but her Sunday bonnet, she rushes madly along with the rain-protector be- fore her face. She knows not, neither does she care, who or what is before her ; but is, alas! too well aware that undisputed monopoly of the sidewalk is hers, Presently the victim appears, He is a misguided mortal, laboring under the delusion that he has rights on the street— women or no women, Harmlessly, aye, aimlessly perchance, he comes along. He perceives the woman's approach but does not leap in the gutter, or plunge wildly in a friendly doorway. They meet: 7 ° * * . . * * * . We need not further discuss this painful scene, It is enough for us to know that as the victim takes a free ambulance ride and finds his left optic demolished and his nose out of place, he becomes a firm sup- porter of that large and daily increasing band, whose object in life is to | prevent women from wielding umbrellas. | "In view of these appalling facts it is apparent that something must | be done to put down this evil. As has been intimated, it is not with any desire to restrict the rights and pleasures of women that this | measure is proposed. If it pleases the fair sex to wear a high hat at the theatre, we can overlook it ; if they delight in knocking us down with kid wagons, we will tumble unmurmuring; if they desire to occupy twice their legitimate space by means of the rampant bustle, we can bear it if they do. They may monopolize the seats in horse- | cars and we will stand it; aye! let them again sport that trap for un- wary feet, the flamboyant hoop-skirt—all these they may inflict upon us. But the eye-gouging, rib-breaking, ear-ripping, Cemented umbrella women must and shall drop. TIP-CAL MEN—Waiters. SELDOM GETS LEFT ON A COLD DAY—Ice, comicbooks.com this | agen “prop bulw with pock bour ofa