Life — April 1, 1886 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

194 Mr. Jacques Kruger as Professor Pongo is not particularly convulsing. I believe he is meant to be excruciatingly funny, as he is cast with a long pointed nose. But he belies his nose. Frederick Solomon as Curaso has one of those detestable réles which are neither buffoons nor undertakers. He is meant to exercise a sort of placidly ludicrous influence over the audience throughout the evening. He errs on the side of the undertaker. The fact that we are here to-day and there to-morrow; that nothing matters much because it will all be the same in a hundred years, with similar melan- choly triteness, overwhelmed me, as the result of his attempt at merriment. The ballet in “ Pepita” is noticeable for the ugliness of the—coryphées, I think they are called. The dresses are exceedingly decent and the Rev. J. M. Hill has excelled him- self as a respectable ballet producer. The scenery in “ Pepita” is costly, but just a trifle too lurid. Alan Dale. A SUGGESTION. EMBER OF THE SHAKESPEARE CLASS (read- I ing): ‘ The sixth age shifts into the lean and slippered pantaloon——"" Another Member (a young woman of hot air culture): I would suggest, ladies, that for “pantaloon” the word “trousers” be substituted as less objectionable and more in harmony with the present age. This suggestion was unanimously adopted. NEW ENTERPRISES. «The Reform Tunnel. HE Union for Woman's Work has on exhibition the model of an invention which, if adopted, will do away with the present style of kissing and squeezing other men’s wives, at the rate of forty miles an hour. The inventor is a matrimonially-belated maiden (40), who was once hugged by a drummer while passing through : the Hoosac Tunnel. After that experi- ence she at once studied the statis- tics; and, finding that there were 1,107 miles of railway caves in this coun- try, she saw that the system should be re- modeled, else unpro- FIGURE I.—A TUNNEL. tected women tour- - LIFE: ists would be obliged to leave the train, and start afoot across country, on arrival at each tunnel. After arduous labors she succeeded in inventing the Patent Safety Tunnel, which, it is thought, will effectually check man from taking privi- leges not sti- pulated on time table. The mech- anism of the new tunnel is very simple —a_combi- nation of the duplex and hoisting-gear systems, Upon ap- proach of a train the sides of the tunnel part from top to bottom, allow- ing the sun to light the entire cut. Then the train passes through the illumined way, and expectant man is obliged to sink back abashed. But in case the grasping railroad monopolies refuse to build the new tunnels our inventor has, another contrivance which will protect her sex from the terrors of subterranean travel. The reader will probably remember the French clocks, whose phosphorescent faces are luminous in the darkest night. With these in mind, she has prepared what she calls “Tunneline,” a phosphorescent cosmetic with which the FIGURE 3.—sHowrno passace lady traveler can anoint her OF FOREION MATTER OVER THE face and waist. PHOSPHORESCENT SURFACE. " The result of such applica- tion will be apparent. As soon as the lady is in the darkness of the tunnel, her face and waist will radiate light, and be plainly visible to the eyes of all her fellow travelers, Any man then trying to kiss or hug, w// be seen as soon as his lips or arms come in con- tact with her face or watst—and who would be familiar under such circumstances ? Perhaps, after all, with such an ointment -(sold on the cars by the train boys) the Patent Safety Tunnel would be superfluous. Wallace Peck, ARRAYED IN THE LATEST STYLE—The kind Capt. Wil- liams makes. comicbooks.com