Life — March 18, 1886 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“While there's Life there's Hope.” VOL. VII. MARCH 18, 1886. NO. S 1155 Broapway, New York. Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., $1.50 per number; Vol. II., 25 cents per number; Vols. III., 1V., V. and VI. at regular rates. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope, HE gentlemen who managed the sale of Mrs. Morgan's collection are probably still rubbing their eyes and wondering if it was not all a dream. A more skillfully executed affair we have yet to hear of. It simply illustrates what “management” will do. The idea of admitting the public at fifty cents a head to gaze with bated breath upon the sacred treasures was a masterly stroke. That a man should pay ten thousand dollars for an umbrella worth seven dollars, and with the knowledge that by step- ping around the corner he can get a trunkful at the latter price, is somewhat startling. Verily, we are a great people, and if we find relaxation in swapping dollars for cents whose business is it ? But first create your enthusiasm. * . . T HE appalling news comes to us that, following closely in the line of the Amalgamated Knights of Labor and High Wages Association strike, the Consolidated Brother- hood of Millionaires will demand a higher rate of interest upon their investments, or withdraw from active business. Grand High Millionaire Astorgould informed a LIFE re- porter yesterday that he and his colleagues disliked to force a quarrel with their employees, but it became a necessity with them. Mr. Astorgould averred that his return from his invest- ments last year was the mere bagatelle of $46,032,000, and while his employees might prate about their troubles being based primarily on bread and butter, it was a matter of mil- lions with him, and it was a duty he owed to his children to be firm. Orders from the Consolidation of Pork Cornerers in Chi- cago caused every millionaire exporter of American hog in New York to shut down, while the Fraternity of Street Rail- road Owners, after a fourteen-hour parley with conductors, threatened to put a keel on every horse-car in the State and start a Gondola Line to Hades if they didn’t accede to their terms and knock down less fares in the course of a day's work, In Brooklyn the Aggregated Congregation of Ministers, irrespective of sect, refused to go to work without a 14 per cent. increase in salary and an extra allowance of a European trip every third year. Dr. Henry Ward Talmage was elected Moderator of the Association, with T. DeWitt Beecher, Esq, as Boss Bishop. The parishioners are equally determined, and, it must be confessed, seem to enjoy the deadlock ex- ceedingly. Meanwhile all the former receipts of the churches are being turned into the Sacred Concert Society's fund, this organization not belonging to the general association of the Knights of the Strike. Late yesterday afternoon a telegram was received from the United Order of Unmarried Buds announcing their de- mand for an increase in supper at Charity, Junior Patriarch, Old Guard and other more or less fashionable balls of the season, coupled with a refusal to dance more than eight hours in an evening unless this demand was acceded to at once. The Order of Wallflowers, much to the disgust of the rank and file of Buddom, declined to join in the strike, averring that its members were willing to dance any number of hours for any number of evenings on an_ infinitesimal supply of cream and cake. It may be that the managers of the ball-rooms will be able to run along comfortably with the aid of the Wallflower Association, but it is to be doubted. It was rumored last night that the Dorcas Club of Chap- erones had joined the Buds, but it lacks confirmation. If it prove true the managers must yield. Society is anxiously awaiting the result. J. K. Bangs. * . . ENERAL HORACE PORTER is a veteran with a shining record. He has survived some battles and in- numerable dinner tables, and, unlike some warriors, he comes off with equal glory and stability from either engagement. Pellets of lead or pates de foie gras are equally powerless to upset him. His courage is tried, and it is well that it is. He is the person whom the Nineteenth Century Club has chosen to open its next discussion on The Comparative Use- fulness of Men and Women. Knowing General Porter to be an estimable citizen, LiFe takes it for granted that he is married. If this is the case he should begin by handing over his brief to Mr. Chauncey Depew. That versatile gentleman is not limited by any domestic considerations from expressing himself frankly on such a question. A bachelor almost beyond the pale of hope, he could have no motive for trifling with his natural proclivities and making out a good case for the tyrant man. But if General Porter has to speak his own piece, we trust he will neither temporize nor extenuate his opinions. Neither comicbooks.com