Life — January 21, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A SCIENTIFIC FAILURE. M PASTEUR does not pretend to cure jim-jams, al- + though this is undoubtedly a form of hydrophobia. M. Pasteur is not a complete success, . * * YOMING COUNTY, W. Va., is without a physician, and the county government refuses to support a cemetery because it would be an unnecessary expense. NEW YORK dime museum keeper hearing that the Nebraska Legislature has a member named Yardwide, has written asking his terms for a short season as the three- footed man. . . . T is said that the relations between the Prince of Wales and his Royal Ma are so strained and cool that His Royal Highness catches a cold in his head whenever he addresses her. . . . SNOW JOKE! OW we hear the plaintive scrape Of the spade; And the snowballs take a shape, To evade Which the mortal tries in vain, And his language is profane When the basement of his brain They invade. Now the small boy makes a slide On the walk, And he straightway doth deride Sons of York Who first step upon and slip, And then tumble up—kerblip !— While the maker off doth skip, With a squauk. Yes indeed the time is here, You must know, “When the season's bleak and drear And a foe To whatever may be gentle In a man, and detrimental Is this awful, sentimental Ice and snow. OHN L. SULLIVAN is said to have a penchant for ex- pensive suspenders. We have no particular grudge against Boston, but there is one pair of very expensive suspenders we would like to have Mr. Sullivan acquire. The Sheriff and a hemp rope. . . . SPORTING NOTE, «6 ] SEE,” said Mrs. Spriggins, “that that pugilist feller Burgess has just won something on a foul. I think these rooster fights oughter be stopped.” * * . HAT eminent Union man, Jefferson Davis, remarks concerning the late Rebellion, in a letter to a Free Mason : As a citizen of the sovereign State of Mississippi I obeyed her com- mands, and, as sovereigns cannot “rebel,” neither led nor followed a rebellion, great or small. Why lie, Mr, Davis ? . . * F the defunct dogs who have suffered so much at the hands of Dr. Pasteur could have lived to see and appre- ciate the woodcuts of that worthy which have appeared in the patent insides of this land, they would have considered themselves avenged. According to the observation of LIFE’s exchange editor, Dr. Pasteur is one of the most disreputable collections of ruffians that ever existed. Indeed, he is a pocket edition of the Rogue’s Gallery, if the great majority of country news- papers are to be believed. If the portrait in an esteemed contemporary from Wyom- ing is accurate the scientific gentleman would be stopped on the streets of London to-day by the lineal descendants of Guy Fawkes and hailed as their greatest of great grandfathers. Another visitor from the West brings with it an illustrated biographette in which there is no room left for doubt that Jesse James and Dr. Pasteur are twin brothers, and that their own maternal relative couldn’t tell one from the other. The instantaneous photograph of the Doctor taken in St. Louis last week discovers him to be the gentleman who some years back posed for the New York Sun's picture of Mr. Holman, while the correspondent of a Chicago paper has included in his weekly letter the facial lineaments of John L. Sullivan, bearing the legend, “ The Famous French Sci- entist, M. Pasteur.” : The joke about the last is that out in Chicago every one is wondering whether M. stands for Michael, Martin, Matthew or Marmaduke. J. K. Bangs. comicbooks.com