Life — January 14, 1886 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FOOLISH FEARS. Young Wife: THERE'S A GENTLEMAN IN THE PARLOR, DEAR, WHO WISHES TO SEE YOU." He: DO YOU KNOW WHO IT Is? OH, DAINTY GLOVE! (RONDEAU.) H, dainty glove ! of pearly hue, With perfume faint as lily-dew, Soft, as the petal of a rose ; What memory within me glows ? What glamour thrills me through and through ? What leads me to exclaim, “ ehue Fugaces/" and hide thee from view, Where none may trouble thy repose ? Oh, dainty glove ! The old, old story, never new Since Eden's time. For, entre nous, If I thy secret must disclose, Discovery might work me woes My wife wears “4’s"”—thou art a Oh, dainty glove ! J. Cheever Goodwin. AN INTERESTING EVENT. I URSE (to young husband) : “ I am glad to announce, sir, that you have a beautiful, bouncing son.” Y, W.: YoU MUST FORGIVE ME, DEAR, BUT THAT COUGH OF YOURS HAS WOR- RIED ME SO OF LATE, AND YOU TAKE SUCH POOR CARE OF YOUR HEALTH, AND— AND, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW ANXIOUS I'VE BEEN, AND—AND OH, IF I WERE TO LOSE YOU, MY DARLING! (Bursts into fears). He; Tuners, T DEAR, YOUR FONDNESS FOR ME HAS INSPIRED FOOLISH NEI ARY S. I'M ALL RIGHT; YOU MUSTN'T BE ALARMED. But I'LL CIAN, OF COURSE, JUST TO SATISFY You. Is IT DocToR PeLLeT? -NO, IT IS NOT A DOCTOR, IT'S A—A—LIPE INSURANCE AGENT. Young Husband (excited): ‘ Er—boy or g-girl?” “ EveRY man is the architect of his own fortunes,” which accounts for much that is bizarre in the designs of character. shoes’ sorrow fairly choked him and, seizing: my arm, which he had released that he might emphasize his remarks by gesticulation, he hurried me up Sixth avenue at a tremendous pace. From under the brim of his hat I could occasionally hear such disjointed remarks shot out, as “Sevres china at home, flint in the shops!" “Shops and sheol, cause and effect!" In this strain we reached Twenty-third street. Here was arepetition of Fourteenth street. The same jostling crowd, the same eager hard look about the women’s faces. All the snatches of conversation one overheard were about the same subject. From the groups hurrying by one caught such scraps as “ Only 3} cents a yard.” ‘Such a bargain; my dear.” We stood here for some time, until the electric lights shot their gaunt bars of light upon the crowd below. Never a word did Oliver speak, but clutched my arm tighter and tighter. At last, as the bells rang out for six o'clock, with the sudden ejaculation of “‘ Destroyers of domestic happiness, . bane of happy households, in the name of outraged mankind, ye whirlpools and vortices of fashion, I anathematize thee” | he loosed his grasp on my arm and plunged into the thickest of the throng. sound of Overshoes’s voice, as he disappeared in the crowd, leaving me to seek my home alone. And as I walked I fell | world, the flesh and the ——? “ Accursed dry-goods stores!” was the last | to musing on the theme to which my friend had given me the keynote. The “ Third Sex "—verily it seemed to me that Oliver was right. Are not these professional shoppers neither male nor female, but rather a subtle compound of the Are they not a race by them- selves, a modern growth, springing, Minerva-like, ready equipped for the fray, from the great dry-goods stores, only to have their substance re-absorbed the means of creating countless others of the same race? Such were my reveries as I sought my home. Still rapt in my subject, I closed the front door with a bang. As the echoes reverbrated through the hall, the voice of the wife of my bosom reached me from above, “ Come up quickly, dear, and see the love of a bargain I made this afternoon on Sixth avenue.” There! EF. Cs Hi! Tom, come Quick, I GoT HIM TIGHT, BUT I CAN'T HOLD ON, comicbooks.com