Life — December 10, 1885 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE: after. The serene dignity of the Uhlan Colonel, represented by his red and gilt coat, however, atoned for his otherwise sorry aspect. “So sorry, Mr. Smith,” said the Queen; “but I just re- ceived a telegram from the Czar, announcing his arrival this evening in London. As he always stops here, and as we are very much crowded, I'd like to put you two together. Alick is a nice man, and I think you ‘Il like him.” “It's a little rough,” the correspondent replied, “to have to room with a man with sharp points all over his name, and I'm surprised, Mrs. Guelph, that you should ask it. Still, 1 ‘ll oblige you. Any more royalty here?” “Yes,” said Wales, “we have Emperor William, Bis- marck, Joseph, the Pope, the Mikado and King Humbert.” “Which Mikado have you, the Standard or Carte’s ?" asked the correspondent. At this moment the door of the Salon was thrown open, and the Queen, in a neat little speech of an hour or two in length, welcomed the correspondent to Windsor, and proceeded forthwith to introduce to him in turn the Emperor William, who remarked that “ it vas vorth doo peers to meet the correspon- dent;" Bismarck, who disclaimed any in- tention on the Emperor's part to convey any slur upon the “ Beers of the Rellum” there by quoting for the seventeen hundredth time that estimable Dutch joke; the Pope, who offered the correspondent a free pass to Para- dise for a year’s subscription, and the Mika- do and King Humbert, who inquired affec- tionately after their relatives and friends now engaged in business in New York. Later on a cast-iron box slid into the room, which upon opening proved to be the Pneu- matic Go-Cart of the Czar. A noble repast, consisting of Bath buns and water (both of which, from religious scruples, the Czar declined), was then set before the assembled potentates, after which the Christmas tree was handed over for spoli- ation, There were hanging from its branches a copy of LIFE for each guest but one, and, as an act of munificence, the Queen had placed a copy of her “Leaves from the Highlands” for | him. | Beatrice and Battenberg declined to have it, because they | had received sixty autograph copies of it for wedding | presents. Bismarck followed suit, saying, as he did so, that ‘a free | supscribtion to Buck and ‘ Leafs in der Lowlants’ vas too much funerals for one year.” The Pope offered to take the “Leaves” if the Queen would see the next Peter's Pence and go them ten better, which Her Majesty declined. | The Mikado's choice was LIFE, because “ Leaves from the | 339 Highlands" was of such a nature that as yet he had no pun- ishment to fit the crime, and he was let off. The correspondent modestly declined the gift, because he was already overweighted with the Queen's generosity, and when she came up for her present the Lire’s were all gone and Her Majesty had to take the book. At 10:30 she retired, pale with rage and mortification, and at 10:45 she dissolved Parliament ; her Christmas Party was summarily bounced, and walked home in sorrow and silence. It appears Her Majesty had made a bet that she could run the circulation of “Leaves” up to seven copies. Six had been reached, but the seventh stuck closer than a brother. LaTER—Your correspondent and the Czar took an up- ward sally at five A.M. Cause unknown. Dynamite and Victoria strongly suspected. Parliament has been ordered to subscribe for LiFe for one year, to be sent to Victoria R, GUELPH, Windsorville, Eng. Carlyle Smith. NEW steel trap has been invented for catching In- dians, and is to be baited with a new kind of whisky that will kill the savage when the trap fails to hold him. comicbooks.com