Life — November 12, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: SIGNAL SERVICE TROUBLES. gfe scholars in the Signal Service school at Fort Meyer say that General Hazen’s lieutenants are very rude to them. Mr. Garnett and Representative Butterworth, who have been out to see about it, are of the same opinion as the scholars, only more so. They say that the lieutenants are brutes, and only wonder that with such meteorologists our climate is not worse than it is. There is talk of inducing Secretary Endicott to investigate General Hazen’s bureau. It ought to be done. No doubt the bureau has its trials, not the least of which is handling samples of Boston east winds and Iowa tornadoes. There is plenty of weather that is mere garbage, but for all that the manners of the garbage cart should not obtain in the bureau. General Hazen's duty is to do his best with our climate. He cannot expect to get good results from unmannerly prognosticators. AN ATTIC GEM FROM OUR COLORED CON- TEMPORARY, PUCK. A PRECISE STATEMENT. Nervous OLp Lapy.— John, you're drunk |” Tue New Coacnman.—* No'm! Burriwillbe ! them d’canters 'f yours—shee a howlin’ cyclone }" Wai’ v1 I gerrat WHAT MARK TWAIN SAYS OF THIS JOKE: “* One of the best things Puch has ever produced.” WHAT THE EDITOR OF LIFE SAYS: “Too subtle for our readers.” WHAT PROF. F. L. SULLIVAN SAYS: ‘True to natchor ; bin there miself. Puck's the paper fur me,” WHAT PRESIDENT CLEVELAND SAYS: “ Thoroughly characteristic.” WHAT QUEEN VICTORIA SAYS: “Funnier than my diary, Put me on the dead-head list.” DIES IRA(E). BALD HEADED young man in Elmira Said: “I must stop this Democratic hegira ! So in his old suit of Tweed He captured the lead And subdued the Republican's Ira. 271 THE AMERICAN PEERAGE. (COMPILED BY PERK, ULTERIOR KNIGHT FOR MAN- HATTAN,] O’ Roach. "ROACH, JOHN, Earl of Ironworks, and Baronet; Ship-Builder Extraordinary and Ex-Curator of the Navy. Creation: The Earl of Ironworks, having neglected to procure a lineage, made himself, and was raised to the peer- age of Ireland-in-America during the ministry of Sea-corps Robeson, who accomplished a great many other “raises.” Believing that the nobility ought not to remain idle, he after- wards embarked in the ship-chandler business, besides devoting himself largely to the construction of steam plea- sure yachts, of which he is an ardent amateur. These yachts, being apt to break down when put in motion, were unfit for pleasure, and it was therefore thought that they might be suited for business as men-of-war. Lord Ironworks gener- ously turned them over to the Government, and so impov- erished himself by these gifts that he was obliged to retire upon the wreck of his fortune, amounting to barely $2,600,- ooo. Latterly he has passed his time manufacturing Demo- cratic and Independent voters. Arms: Sable; a dolphin embowed, argent, with a roach in its mouth, On achief indented, gules, the barnacles of the second. Crest: A broken engine shaft. Supporters : Two mermen, dejected. Motto (from Byron, on the dying dolphin) : “ The last still loveliest.” Seat : Seclusion Cabin, Long Island. MORE OF THE BOSTONESE PLAGUE. (A ROTHER Boston novel! It is published anonymously, dutifully dedicated “ To my husband ” (we extend the unknown man our sympathy), and is artistically christened “High Lights.” (Houghton, Mifflin & Co.) The scene is not laid in Boston, but there is little relief in that, for the same old characters are transferred to the hills of New Hampshire for summer recreation and love-making. comicbooks.com