Life, 1885-10-15 · page 11 of 16
Life — October 15, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Fables for the Times" This page contains two satirical pieces about theatrical personalities, likely from the 1880s-90s. **The Ostrich Fable** (illustrated): A crude visual joke—an ostrich mistakes a bald man's head for an egg and sits on it, hatching instead a blonde chorus girl. The "moral" mocks pretentious intellectuals, suggesting that refined, philosophical gentlemen harbor ridiculous fantasies beneath their respectable exteriors. **The Bernhardt Section**: Bylined Alan Dale, this satirizes famous French actresses (Sarah Bernhardt, Judic, Celine Chaumont, and others) discussing their American tours. It mocks their calculated self-promotion—Bernhardt boasts of using eccentric antics (sleeping in coffins, balloon rides) as "advertising media" to scandalize American audiences. The piece ridicules both the actresses' transparent publicity stunts and American audiences' gullibility for such theatrical personas. The resolution condemning Judic's manager suggests disapproval of these manufactured controversies.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
- LIFE: FABLES FOR THE TIMES. A N Ostrich one day found a Bald Head lying on the grass, and, not noticing that it belonged to asleeping middle-aged gentleman who always sat next to the orchestra in the theatre, took it to be an ostrich egg and determined to hatch it out at once. The big bird was sitting quietly on the supposed egg and mak- ing plans for the education of the little ostrich soon to be born, when, all at once, there was hatched out, not a little ostrich, but a blonde chorus-girl, dressed in lilac tights and a green belt. MorRAL: This Fable is intended to give a dim and nebulous hint of the varied and fanciful appointments which often stock the interior of a sedate and philo- sophic cranium. Mme. Bernhardt laughed scornfully, and everybody else newspaper men behind her back. I did the bewitching little laughed scornfully. “Why was I a success in America?” she asked. “Ladies, they all knew what I was. I was an odious creature, from a domestic standpoint. I had abso- lutely nothing proper about me. Then I had several little eccentric shortcomings, such as a propensity to sleep in my coffin, an undying determination to go up in a balloon, and a few other humorous advertising media. Now that I am to -cross the Atlantic again, I have more irons in the fire. Per- haps you imagine I married Damala because I loved him. Do n't do it, ladies. You may suppose that I separated from Damala because I hated him. He! He! that would be a joke. It is possible you may think that I whipped Mlle. Colombe because she was obnoxious to me. Perish such a thought. I knew that I was going to America again, and voila tout.” “When I went over,” bleated little Théo, “I took a duenna with me, as a sort of spicy foil. I made eyes at the flirt to the very best of my ability. Stories of my conquests in Paris were freely circulated, and, in a word, the dudes floated around me in a way which rendered further action unnecessary.”” “T can't cross the Atlantic for some time,” said Celine Chaumont, disconsolately. ‘I am certainly not as proper as | Judic, but still I am rather monotonous in my worth and sterling soundness. I must do something awful one of these days. My reputation as a Parisienne is suffering terribly, and I feel that, in the hour of my need when I have done with Paris and want fresh fields and pastures new, America will spurn me as I well deserve.” Then Madame Sarah Bernhardt drew up a resolution to the effect that the policy of Mme. Judic’s manager be con- demned as unworthy a man of dramatic experience, and that he be politely requested never to do it again. The resolution was passed, and the ladies dispersed. Alan Dale. comicbooks.com