Life — October 1, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PRACTICING MEDICINE IN NEW JERSEY. “cs HAT are those peculiar-looking ani- mals you have in that glass case, Doctor?” a gentleman asked of a New Jersey physician. “ Those are Rahway mosquitoes.” “Is it possible! I never saw mosquitoes so large before. But what do you keep them | for?” “As a substitute for leeches. less.” They cost ABOUT TO MOVE. UNDERSTAND you have gone into | Wall street,” said Jenkins, accosting | his friend, Veryfly, at the club. “Y-e-es,” said Veryfly, gazing absently out of the window. “ But I may move.” “ How is that?” | “ Ah—well—I—business may compel me to move into another locality,” said Veryfly. “Indeed! What street ?” “Ludlow street.” Uncomfortable silence on both sides. “ R. HERRESCHOFF ought to challenge Mr. Gould to race the Afa/anta and Stiletto over the Western Union waters. DEAR. LITERARY. Uncle George: SO YOU ARE STUDYING ENGLISH LITERATURE, MY Sweet Girl Graduate from the West: OH YES, UNCLE, WE'VE JUST FINISHED PLUTO’s REPUBLIC AND ARE IN THE MIDST OF THE POPE'S Essay ON MAN ° FABLES FOR THE TIMES. | THE ANGRY HUMORIST. N old Ape, who enjoyed some local celebrity as a humor- ist, having read a number of latter-day novels, was struck with the wonderfully fine and delicate quality of humor which pervaded them, and determined thenceforth to cul- tivate the same calm and sublimated quality of fun in con- versing with his friends, and to reconstruct his venerable anecdotes on a more dignified basis. “What is good in a book,” said the Ape, “ ought to be good in conversation.” In a few days the Ape met a crowd of animals at abarbecue, | and undertook to entertain them with what he called “ The Amusing Story of the Elephant and the Buzzard,” in which he tried to infuse what he termed “ the humor of the future.” Before the anecdote was half finished all the animals were sound asleep, and the snoring of the Rhinoceros reverbrated through the crowd like the note of a deep-toned fog-horn. | The Ape stopped just as he got.to the place where the point | should have been, and then withdrew to a sequestered place | in a neighboring jungle; and there, under the overarching | trees, and amidst the holy solitude of nature, he unbosomed | himself audibly until the air was heavy with a lurid nimbus of undignified ejaculations and strange descriptive terms of mysterious import and unknown etymology. MoRAL: This Fable teaches that literary fineness, es- pecially as regards humor, can be brought down to too keen a point; and that wit and laughter sometimes operate inde- pendently of each other. A old Crow was watching a flock of sheep grazing in a valley, when a large Eagle suddenly flew among them and carried off a young Lamb. “It seems to me that I ought to be able to do that,” re- marked the Crow; “I'll try it at any rate.” With these words the Crow flew down, lit on the back of a large Ram, and after violent exertions succeeded in fly- ing away with him to the top of a neighboring mountain four miles high. After being deposited, the Ram remarked in atone of playful nonchalance: “Well, having gotten me up here, what do you propose to do with me, you black son of a gun? If you don't get down this mountain in a hurry, I'll butt you into mince- meat.” The poor Crow, accepting the situation, fluttered sorrowfully down the mountain side, and supped in the valley on a belated fishing-worm. MORAL: Don't undertake an army contract before care- fully estimating the probable net profits. THE CROW AND THE RAM. LIKE truth, cheese is mite-y and will prevail. comicbooks.com