Life, 1885-08-13 · page 12 of 16
Life — August 13, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Life Magazine Page 96: Social Satire and Humor This page from Life magazine contains several satirical pieces typical of the publication's humor: **"A Sense of Order"** depicts an aunt and niece discussing what to do with stones—a simple domestic joke about tidiness. **"Ye Faire Tennis-Player"** is a mock-Elizabethan poem by Harold Van Santvoord, playfully comparing women's hearts to tennis balls batted about by Cupid. **"The Marine Band"** is a humorous anecdote about a fire chief's funeral where a band hired to lead the procession plays so loudly that the tune is indistinguishable. The punchline involves a stutter joke: the band is called "Marine" because its members are "all at sea" (confused/lost). **"Fables for the Times"** offers a mock-moralistic story about rabbits that references Fourth of July and international copyright issues—contemporary political topics wrapped in animal fable form. The page also includes a brief editor's response defending typographical errors in a rival publication (*the World*). Throughout, the humor relies on wordplay, puns, and topical references familiar to late-19th-century readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A SENSE OF ORDER. The Aunt The Niece: ALLOW THEM, SO AS NOT ENNY, WHAT DO YOU DO WITH THE STONES? TO LITTER UP YE FAIRE TENNIS-PLAYER. UCH sweete enjoyment Phoebe takes, Ye Tennis-Ball in flyinge, She cares not for y¢ Hearte yt aches, Nor heedes Her Lover sighinge. Straighteway y® mischiefe cupid calls, Yt close besyde her lingers ; “Menne’s Heartes are lighte as Tennis-Balls Yt flye from Phoebe's Fingers.” Harold Van Santvoord. THE MARINE BAND. HE chief of the fire department was dead, and the boys determined to give him an imposing burial. The “Marine Band” was hired for $50 to head the pro- cession. As they passed the post-office the band played with extraordinary vigor. Amid the sequence of explosions from the horns and theclash and booming of drums and cymbals it would have taken a musical expert to dis- tinguish the tune. “ Why do they call it the Marine Band?” asked Pete Lathrop of his friend Oliver. “D-d-do n't know,” was the stuttering reply; ‘unless it's b-b-b-because they ‘re all at s-s-sea.” ANSWER TO A CORRESPONDENT. W. J. B.—You say “the joke on the World in your last issue is full of typographical errors.” That is a very true statement, W. J. B., but did you ever see a copy of the World that wasn't in a like THE a predicament. constitute a most important and popular phase of life at this celebrated resort; the one given at one of the best known hotels last night being the most successful of the season. To be sure there were only three couples dancing and seven chaperones in the ball-room, but it is estimated that fully ten thousand persons, including the colored waiter of the house, peered at them through the open windows. One of the most popular springs here is reported to be failing, but whether this is due to the scarcity of salt, iron barrel hoops and cats this season has not yet been deter- mined. At all events, it has lost much of its former flavor, which may be a misfortune and may not, for it may tran- spire that the offer of a well-known millionaire of $50 fora case of pure water that a man could swallow without losing his self-respect is a dona fide one. The SAUNTERER received his weekly bill last evening, and as the $750 charges thereon are largely to be offset by a package of cigarettes and a return ticket to New York, the latter will be called into requisition this evening, and the next letter will be from that celebrated seaside resort and land of Israel, Long Branch. Cholmondeley Harcourt. FABLES FOR THE TIMES. DAME RABBIT AND HER DAUGHTER. AS old Rabbit and her daughter once lived happily in a hollow stump; but after a while the old Rabbit fell into the habit of monopolizing all the cover when they went to bed on cold nights; whereupon the young Rabbit an- nounced her intention of hunting another stump and living alone. This announcement led to a family fight, in which the old Rabbit came out a bad second. Thereafter, the two animals lived in different homes, became thoroughly recon- ciled, and stole each other’s cabbages with genial pertinacity. MorAL: This Fable has remote .eference to the Fourth of July, and to the subject of inte: national copyright.