Life — July 23, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A RECEIPT. WITH LIFE’S APOLOGIES TO MESSRS. GILBERT & SULLIVAN, F you want a receipt for that popular* mystery Known to the world as the daily 7ribune, Take all the old chestnuts and obsolete history, Rattle them off to a worn out tune. The cheek of a Chandler on board of the Omaha ; Terror of Roach when trying his boats ; Reform of a Higgins (which causeth a ha! ha! ha!); Coolness of Ferdinand pocketing notes ; The science of Sullivan, eminent fistical ; Wit from the Ark when on her first trip; News of last season; manner quite mystical, After the style of a hen with the pip; Dash of O'Donovan lacking direction, sir; Narrative powers in time of election, sir ; Baron Munchausen and G. Francis Train ; ‘The late Horace Greeley and still later Blaine ; Thomas P. Ochiltree; Old Bloody Shirt Senator Logan, the linguist expert— Take of these elements all that 's irrational, Fill in with paragraphs very sensational, Set ‘em to simmer and print in small type, And Whitelaw Reid’s organ is mellow and ripe. * Poetic license. . . . RS. SPRIGGINS is of the opinion that something “incisive should be done instantaneously to them Quinine Indian outragers.” . . NoTIcE, R. HENRY HODGE, of Long Island, calls the atten- tion of literary gentlemen and others suffering from trritabilia, to his extra fine assortment of small boys, which | he is prepared to furnish at considerably below cost for | thrashing purposes. TeRMS: Double-back-action boy, warranted to re- turn good for evil Ten-year-old orphan, with tendencies to deafness. Four months’ commutation ticket for colored boy, special summer rates. . 10% off for cash, Boys must be returned in good order. Address : Box 7694, Long Island City. . . . QUIRRELS, in speaking of their progeny, never use the expression, “ He is a chip of the old block.” They have it, “ He is a chip of the old munk!” HE recent exposures of the Pad/ Mall Gazette are only surprising to those who are not quite up in the knowl- edge of what is “ English, you know.” . . . RS. ELLA WHEELER WILCOX is said to do all her literary work in a cosy little room on the top floor of her house. Mrs. Wilcox must be an attic poet. - . . HE World, in speaking of the Noyes episode, says that in making that appointment Mr. Cleveland rendered ridiculous all that the Democratic papers have said concern- ing the great fraud of '76. The next thing we know the President will be starting a company for the purpose of carrying coals to Newcastle. . . ° HE ex-Miss Morosini is now said to be studying for the stage. This is what comes of marrying a coachman. She might at least have kept up the standard set by her husband, and studied for a Cheap Cab. * . . PICTORIAL SHAKESPEARE, ‘TIS VERY LIKE HE HATH THE FALLING DISEASE. —Fultus Cesar. . . . AYS the Chicago Current: “ When the bad small boy returns at night to his home he often finds there a breeze brewing, and usually there is a spanking one.” Likewise followed by light reins and squawls. . . * ONDON society states that Lady Freake is at home at * Twickenham on Saturdays. Lady Freake must be the celebrated Aunty-Fat Woman. comicbooks.com