Life — July 2, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VOL. VI. JULY 2p, 1885. 1155 Broapway, New York, Published every Thursday, $5 a year in advance, postage free. Single copies, 10 cents. Back numbers can be had by applying to this office. Vol. I., 50 cents per number ; Vol. II., 25 cents per number; Vols. III. and IV., at regular rates. Rejected contributions will be destroyed unless accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope. HE college racing at New London is over and, as usual, our New York boys were little more than idle specta- tors from a point of disadvantage. We strenuously advise Columbia, in the future, to expend her nautical efforts toward having her finish put two miles nearer the start than Harvard's. We should then have some reasonable expectation of a dead-heat at least. . . . ~ PEAKING of colleges naturally reminds us of another class of Freshmen who manage to disgrace themselves with some signal act of childish folly at least once a year. We refer to certain members of our Stock, Produce, and other Exchanges. The fact that a man gambles in produce does not give him any license to annoy others by his disgusting exhibitions of puerility. If the offending members of the Produce Exchange had obtained their desserts last week, our Disorderly Conduct Fund would have been largely increased, and the station- houses would have been richer in boarders for at least one night. Lire is ig to receive subscriptions to be applied to building a “ Nursery For Idiotic Brokers,” and_ will contri- bute one bag of salt, to be used on the most violent patients. . . * REMIER SALISBURY refused totake up the reins of English Government without first exacting a pledge from Mr. Gladstone that he would not embarrass him by opposition ! How very English ! Imagine Mr. Cleveland declining to enter the White House unless Mr. Blaine would promise to become his enthusiastic admirer and supporter ! It is an idea, worthy of a country that will submit to over- taxation, for the purpose of supporting an avaricious, selfish, and utterly useless Royalty. HE news now comes to us that Keiley is not wanted in Austria, and we hail the announcement with delight. We are glad to see that if the Administration, after learning what kind of a man Keiley was, hadn't the backbone to thrust him into deserved obscurity, the Nations of Europe have too much self-respect to permit such a one to be foisted on them. What would the United States Government say if Austria should send a Dutch Nihilist over here to represent her at Washington ? ING HUMBERT would do his country a vast service by appointing the Pope Envoy to the United States, It would not only remove His Holiness from Italy, but would enhance the revenue of the Irish Church, as its great head, when settled in this land, could personally superintend the fleecing of the numerous ignorant Irish Domestics, who fall so easy a prey to the reverend dispensers of eternal life at the excéedingly low price of twenty-five cents a week. * * * HE popping of the crackers, the booming of the cannon and the hoisting of the American flag gives notice that by the small boy, the cannoneer and the owners of bunting, at least, Independence Day is not forgotten, If the late Hon. G. Washington could come down from his Elysian Heights for a day, we doubt not that he would write a spicy volume concerning his impressions of the America of to-day. He would find in all save the venality of our political life, and our love of everything big, the manners and customs of the American are as thoroughly un-American as those of Great Britain—in fact, they are deuced English, you know. We have our aristocracy of wealth and bad manners; our hansom cabs; our hunts and our racing events; and we might even be seen to be so very English as to object to a rise in the price of beer, and yet the bird of freedom cries as vociferously as if we were as totally rid of the British yoke socially as we are politically. This state of affairs is doubtless pleasing to the shades of Washington and Jefferson, and their exuberant joy in the clouds above is no doubt the cause of the atmospheric dis- turbances in the midst of which we are said to be. We suppose this is a case of the survival of the fittest, and can only suggest that we should make our transformation complete by returning the waywatd Miss Columbia to her unhappy mother. To do this we have only to petition that the United States be annexed to Canada. comicbooks.com