Life — June 4, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

N INETEEN HUNDRED is upon us, And the census has been took ; The publishers do promise Volume two of Jimmie's book. England's forces are preparing To run over to Herat; Mr. Gladstone still is hemming About this and about that. Mr. Buddensieck will shortly In the court-room reappear, And the festive Ferdinando Still remains in Ludlow drear. The suit of Mister Marié With Garrison is still Before the gentle referee, With Roscoe on the bill. J. D. Fish will soon be sentenced, And the 77vbune still doth fear The effects of Bourbonism And the rebel Brigadier. Mr. Roach has long since left us, Mr. Whitney, too, has died, And the Dolphin, unaccepted, Still is waiting to be tried. * . . ‘RANCOIS : The correct translation of Victor Hugo est mort, is “ Victor has Hugone.” . . . DGAR FAWCETT'S latest effort is entitled “A Mar- riage of the Period.” He will undoubtedly supplement it by a Romance of Punctuation, in which he will tell about poor old Period’s experiences getting up cold winter morn- ings to put the colon the fire, while Mrs. Period neé Comma will overwhelm him with ? ? ? as to his whereabouts the night before. * . * INCE Mr. Whitney's accession to the Secretaryship of the Navy it has been discovered that many thousands of dollars have been sunk on the Afohican and other dock defences which the facetious call men-of-war. The Secretary should learn the lesson this teaches and sink the Dolphin as soon as he accepts her. It would be a great saving to the country as well as an addition to the series of Democratic economies. X-FINANCIER FISH says of Ferdinand Ward, “he is the damnedest villain I ever knew.” It is evideng that Mr. Fish has never profited by the scrip- | tural injunction: KNOW THYSELF. * * . PROPOS of Prof. Proctor’s statement that in the lunar eclipse of 1761 the moon disappeared from sight, the Chicago Current says: “ But to have ‘ Fair Cynthia’ entirely lost to view in a clear sky, that would be a thing for other than lovers to stay up to see.” This reminds one of the countryman who travelled a hun- dred miles to see the Invisible Girl, and returned home mad because “ he got into the room whar she was, and the darned thing was n't in sight.” . . . “ W,”" cried Mrs. Spriggins, putting her hand on her waist, ‘my poor back does ache so. I wonder, Spriggins, if this Bacteria is contiguous, coz if it is I believe I caught it from some of them sick-lookin’ people at Bar- num’s Crocus last night.” T HE latest name in the newspaper world is the Barbers’ Gazette. It is edited in a light and hairy style which ought hirsute the public tastes. . . . R. W. L. ALDEN discusses “The American Type” in the current issue of a Chicago contemporary. To our mind the American Type should be set down as “ Non-pareil.” . . . I spite of the substitution of Sheol for Hell, the Revised Version of the Old Testament is a drug on the market. We cannot but feel that this very substitution has caused the public ardor for the book to cool. Mrs. Spriggins remarks that she “ bought one of those re- versed editions with the parable columns showin’ just where the tax had been alterated.” * . * HE King of Bavaria recently caused the Opera of Par- sifal to be given for his special benefit—no one but himself being allowed to witness the performance. His Royal Highness is a man of sense. He has doubtless learned that the loneliness of a great theatre is more than compensated for by the absence of the giggling maidens be- hind him ; the American spring bonnet in front of him, and the Dude at his side who invariably kicked his new bell-topped silk crown from the parquet circle to the orchestra rail, while | looking for a vacant chair through one eye-glass. comicbooks.com