Life — April 9, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: SOME OF LIFE’S CONTEMPORARIES. REMARKS BY ME, H, Pillostratus, bring hither thine or- acular, Seeing that thou lookest melancholy, we would talk with thee and drive dull care away. Thou art melancholy, oh, Pillostratus, because it is a cold day. Thou hast paid fifty coppers for a comic || almanac in which thou readst the jokes Aes which Ptolemy did thrive and which thou hearest now only at the burial service of the truly great. Yes thou didst, Pillostratus. Do not prevaricate. Thou didst squander those fifty Van Dyke Brown coppers on a patent medicine al- manac, and it made thee sick. Now, Pil- lostratus, seeing that thou art thyself and || not some other self, we will put thee on | the straight track of what thou hast mist. | Oh, Mister! | Hast twenty-five more bits? Thou hast ? | Well, draw hither with thy waving ear and we will whisper. Truck’s Annual is a sure cure for the |} choly—both melan and solemn. | Ithas now passed into its seventh edition, and can be had of all druggists at the | moderate ante of twenty-five disces. | _ If thou art wise, Pillostratus, thou wilt | invest thy money in a bond that never | passes its interest and from which thou || needst have no trouble in clipping coupons. All of which information, Pillostratus, thou wilt find weekly cropping out on the editorial, pictorial, and humorial pages of our regular rainbowed edition—all for ten cents, APRIL, ‘Tis damp ! And from down in Florida comes the tramp. CHINKOPINS AND CHESTNUTS, You never miss your mother-in-law till the—well, you never miss her because she's aMrs. Beer! | “TI stoop to conquer,” said the young lady, as she sat out on the porch steps and tried to mash the young man, in the gloaming. THE young man who fled from the house of his ‘‘ladi friend,” at the point of the Bull-dog, is much troubled over his rent being in arrears, | Tue Kip's Motro—Goat while your | young. | Now | The Jersey maiden milks the cow, And then Goes in the coop and kills a hen, Age ten, | Which, when the guests begin to thicken | She'll serve up as spring chicken. REDDY’S SLATE Asp His Littte Letter To THe Epitor. = gE ‘Noo Yoark aprul ceven dere truck iicen yew a cartune sho ing mi experan- ces aftur we supureted las weke. i had jused lef youer ofis and was gowing as tite as i culd four the clivayter rale rode wen aoled mann with gray hare an blu is stopped me an ced ar yew the feller ces he that rites leters to truck on a slait i told him he culd bett onit, aint youer slait mossed wornout ces he. noces i it is aa wun slait an doant wair. alas heced. thes gra hares are do too youer leters. tha mak me so tired besids thay ull kil track wel oled man i ced im sory four yew but as long as truck can stand it i kan an ill nevver go bac on mi contrack witch cals four enuff leters to last til the milenerum. wel mi boi ced the oled man ringem orl in att wunce thenn an be dun with em, i thank heven thay aint a gowin to hang ovver intoo the millenerum tho i mite a none the millenerum culdent gett hear until yew was muzzeld. yoars indignentli reddy. Pp. 8. cen bac mi slait onn the darke four i no att leste 50 peeple what. wants to smash it, CRUSHERS FOR CORRESPONDENTS. TRUCK ne'er returns bad manuscript, But slings it to its wicker crypt. Hasectine—Thank dead, Heaven you ‘re Jack Cass—Yes, Jackey, old man, your cartgon idea isimmense. Almost immense enough to cover one side of the obelisk on which it made its first appearance in | public, B. U. T. T.—Teach you how to be humorous, ‘ch! Well just keep on as you have started and you will be the funniest object in the world. Your riddle about Philadelphia and Brooklyn's mayor having for its answer one's s’ Low and so’s the other is too brilliant for this hemisphere. Take it to some other B. U. T, T., and be sure to go with it yourself. Bo Peep: Yes, Bo, we would like to employ you—to brush flies off our bald- Truck: I don’t know what I'ddo without him.| headed compositor in summer.