Life — March 5, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: $200R8 AT Nelly ITTLE DICK—Pa, what is that florist putting that dirty old straw and stuff in the piano box for? Pa—That is not a piano box ; it isa hotbed frame and he is getting it ready for planting. Little Dick—But what good is that old straw? It smells awful, Pa—It develops gases and goes through other chemical pro- cesses which produce heat, so that a fire won't be needed. Little Dick—Is that why they use dirty straw in the street cars, pat—Philadelphia Call. InquireR—No, Miss Anthony never was kissed by George Washington when she was an infant. Washington was not born until 1732.—Puck. Wuen Bangs, the rifle shooting expert, died, his widow was unconsolable. ‘* There was none like him," she moaned, ‘the never missed fire.” “Cheer up,” said a sympathizing friend, ‘ possibly he may be equally successfyl in his present abode.” The effect upon the widow was electric. —Boston Transcript, Uncte Joun—Well, Jimmy, have you enjoyed yourself to-day? immy—No, I haven't, I've had a miserable day. nele John—Miserable day? How’s that? Jimmy—Aunt Betsey told me to eat all the dinner I wanted, and I could n't.—Boston Transcript. 139 A LITTLE boy in Saratoga, not long since, came running in from out doors, crying because he had been stung by a bee. ‘*Mamma,” he sobbed, “I'd just as lieves the bees’d walk on me, but I don’t like to have ‘em sit down.” ‘THE act came to a close, and the two gentlemen rose, left their wives and retired to the lobby to obtain the latest quotations concerning lime juice. Mrs. Brown remarked casually to Mrs. Smith, *t Does your husband often go out between acts ?” “No, but he always comes in between drinks."—San Fran- cisco Post. THERE was a court-martial held on a young officer who had gone on a spree and had a fight in a bar-room. The bar pro- preter was brought before the court and put in the witness box. he prisoner was placed in full view. “* Witness, do you recognize the prisoner ?” “Yes, your honor, and most of the court."—San Francisco Chronicle, AN old gentleman was walking somewhat gingerly along the icy pavement. There is an excellent slide at this point, and the old gentleman was proceeding with caution, when a wild boy came along the slide with a whoop, and knocked the under- pinning from below the pedestrian. They both fell, “ Fitz-James above, the Gael below.” The old man, who was somewhat heavy, might have hurt himself were it not for the boy beneath, As the upper person slowly rose he looked at the fattened boy and calm- said ; y One of us should apologize, and as you are out of breath, I'll doit. I'm very sorry, my son, that this unseemly incident occurred,” The boy gasped out : “ Ye—ain't—half's sorry ’s—I am.” And thus by mutual regrets, magnanimously expressed, all chance of future trouble over the affair was happily averted.— 7id-Bits, HENRY HOLT & CO. HAVE READY The Rise of Intellectual Liberty, FROM THALES TO COPERNICUS. A His- tory. By Freoeric May Houtann. Bvo. $3.50. Cashmere Bouquet JACQUES KRAKAUER, Lavigs Tattor ap Hasit Maxer, 19 E.aut St. N.¥.,and Bellevue Ave., Newport. Has removed from No. 29 East aist Street to No. 19 East arst Street, same block, two doors from Broadway (East), Would respectfully an- Representative German Poems, Ballad and Lyrical, The original texts with English Versions, by various translators, on opposite pages, Edited by Kari. KNARTZ. 8v0., $3.50. ——COMMON SENSE BINDER—— FOR BINDING “LIFE: Cheap, Strong and Durable, Will hold #6 numbers. Mailed te any part of the United States for $1. Address, office of " LIFE,” 1155 Broapway, N. Y. doffied ©. Coverall, TAILOR & IMPORTER. In view of the increasing demand for garments of elegance and HIGH CLASS STANDARD of style, at reason- abe prices, we are prepared to meet the emergency with an unusually select line for spring wear, acceptable to the most refined taste, Riding Costumes and Liveries in English Styles. 166 Siocth Jbve., NEW YORK, Toilet Soap. Has the largest sale of any superfine toilet soap. Perfume novel and excep- tionally strong. Send four cents in stamps to Colgate & Co., N. Y., for sample cake. No one can furnish “Old Crow” Rye Sour-Mash Whiskey unless purchased from us. | We have taken every barrel made since Fanuary, 1872. We have also HERMIT-| AGE four to seven years old, all sold absolutely pure, uncolored, unsweetened, H. B. KIRK & CO., 69 Fulton St. & Broadway and 27th St. pounce to the Ladies that he is now receiving the latest Spring novelties for Walking and Carriage Cos- tumes. Special attention paid to all orders sent by mail. A perfect fit guaranteed without personal attendance, THE GENUINE FRANK B.CONVERSE THE FRANK B. CONVERSE Banjo Instruction and Salesroom, 6r West 42d Street, New York. GEORGE MATHER'S SONS, PRINTING [NK, 60 Joun St., New York. This paper is printed with our cut ink. comicbooks.com