Life — February 5, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

anne ee We're “second choices ” every time, It really is n’t fun, But to decline would be a crime, We're Stand-bys, every one. MISS GOSLING. Mamma, explain to me, your Susan dear, What pleasure is there in the horrid balls. Fatigue o’ercomes me from much standing up, And sleep, like lead, weighs down my heavy lids, Not one, among the many gathered here, Do I perceive, that e’er I 've seen before, Or care to see again—no single one! They act as though the very house was theirs, Condemn the pictures, and our taste deplore ; Discuss the wine, the supper and the floor, The music and the favors criticise, And say the german is so badly led. Although I notice none have yet disdained To eat the supper, nor do they refuse To grab in as many favors as they can. The while they speak of them as “ Christmas gifts.” A “ Plunder-party " do they call our dance, And say ‘tis vulgar since we did expend Four thousand dollars on those favors rare. Just see those women in the drawing-room, Flattered by school-boys scarcely half their age, But, hearken, for a plaint they shyly sing. CHORUS OF OLD-STAGERS. We look like young girls, With an innocent air, With our dimples and curls, And our baby-like stare. we ‘Il never see thirty, again, sir, and we're trying some man to ensnare. We cast our eyes low, In bashful dismay, And embarassment show, In a capturing way, When we ‘re really not rattied at all, sir, but we do it as well | as a play. We cultivate sighs, And titters and tears, And only tell lies, When you mention our years. Oh, if one of those boys would propose, sir, I believe that we ‘d give him three cheers ! To be “laid on the shelf,” Is the bane of our lives, And to marry herself, Each one of us strives. To be frank, if we had but a chance, sir, we'd really make excellent wives. MR. GOSLING, WHAT HO, MY DAUGHTER! MISS GOSLING. Why, no, Papa! you look all right. Why so? MR. GOSLING. Why so? Down stairs, but scarce a moment since, While standing in the crowded supper-room, One of those things, with snowy tie and vest, Did dig me ‘neath the lower starboard rib, And say—‘ Good man, procure me quickly now, “A bottle of the foaming Pommery Sec., “ For this old cove, who is our host to-night, “ Hath turned the key on all his ancient port, “I, having eaten fourteen fancy-cakes, “Feel like unto a foot-stool, saw-dust stuffed, “And e’en would slake my raging thirst with fizz, “ Make haste, gargon, and for thy enterprise, “ A silver quarter thou shalt surely see.” Oh, daughter, were I not confined to these Strict bounds of pentametric line and style, I'd utter curses on that monkey's head, And make this verse the blankest e’er was seen, Oh, 4/ank this Gosling German, anyhow ! Cap-a-PIE—takes the cake. RUNNING Comment—Stop thief ! ROMANCE for the Marines—Sala's yarns. THE Testimony in the Case—Thackeray said that when a woman’s tongue was wound up, it would never run down. It has been discovered, however, that at the sewing circles of | our land, some of these tongues do run down—their neigh- Unto a waiter or a flunkey—say ? bor's. What ho, my daughter, tell me truly now, If aught of likeness you can see in me, comicbooks.com