Life, 1885-01-22 · page 7 of 16
Life — January 22, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis This page from *Life* magazine contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"Letters from Below"** features Carlyle's letter mocking romantic idealization of Hell and suffering. The accompanying illustration shows a skeletal figure, likely representing Death or a demon, in a doorway—visually reinforcing Carlyle's sardonic critique of those who romanticize damnation. **"A Monk of the Present 'Century'"** is a humorous poem mocking a contemporary monk living in modern times—suggesting irony in maintaining monastic vows while surrounded by nineteenth-century secular society. The poem's tone implies the monk is anachronistic and foolish. **"Concerning Snails"** briefly notes a German scientist's discovery that snails can be fed paper, with satirical commentary suggesting American Congress might commercialize this fact for bureaucratic efficiency—poking fun at governmental absurdity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
* LIFE: LETTERS FROM BELOW. UCH difficulty has been experienced in tran- scribing these letters on- account of the frag- mentary condition of some of the sheets of asbestos. I have been as careful as possible and hope my transcrip- tions will be compre- hensible. H. P.C. CARLYLE'S LETTER. “Suapy Sipe,” Styx. I am very glad of the opportunity you offer me to write a few words from Hell. I have some post- Sse earthly things I want to say—some celestial erudition that will be of value to whining hypocrites with their feet in the sky and their heads in the mud. | Most first of all: If there be but the pitifullest. most infini- tesimal fraction of a hope of Froude’s coming this way, | am willing to sizzle here and enjoy it. Yes, enjoy it as a naiad her lover; as a Bhuddistic neophyte enjoys the hope of Néwana. The thought of Froude makes Hell hotter. He had no claim to write as he did; no more claim to biographi- THE PRESENT “CENTURY."* WHO would have thunk y That a genuine monk Was living in Boston town ; As wise as an owl With his book and his (s)cowl, And his long black priestly gown ? 'T is whispered that he, Te-hee! E! E! Has taken the vow monastic ! He laughs is his sleeve, You 'd better believe, — This hale ecclesiastic ! A MONK OF * January number. 49 | cal efficiency than has sub-cutaneous transpiration to the title of intellectual scintillation, But Froude must come here. All biographical maniacs the Devil decrees must come. And before he come let his imagination cull the flowers of Hell. | Tell him Hell is like a Turkish bath with the first part luridly exaggerated and the last part left out. Mistaken zeal was his to make it possible for the world to misknow me. _ I tried to teach. My reward is that my digged-out-at-much-cost Truth | is jumbled into a wearisome, confused mass—crude, incon- Mite, and entangled by the insupportable misconception of my personal character. Too bad! Too bad, I say, that the Dyspeptic Me should be confounded with the Divine Not-I- Am. Froude, like the other flies that stick to the oil and wax on wooden idols, has mistaken an impudent, blasphemous, pretentious Me for my Truth. Again, I say, worthlessly | noisy, heartlessly empty chatter and gibe of the microcepha- lous multitude! ye have stumbled over what ye should have kneeled down before and worshipped. Forgers and jugglers tossing up and down like wooden | balls the backslidings of a man’s wild heart, the perpetual whirlings of a man’s sensitive soul! Do ye call that biog- raphy? Literature! Rather is it the semi-barbarous spider- web that holds dead flies for hungry maws. And how can a spider-web hold the seething, simmering furnace of thoughts | that were mine? Mine because first God's! That is my word from Hell. And crude hypocrite I should be not to speak it if I could. Finally, I like Hell. It is honestly hot. The world was alway shamming hot or cold, but remained | none the less lukewarm. Yours, T. CARLYLE, CONCERNING SNAILS, NAILS in a state of captivity can, Dr. Rawitz, of Berlin, has discovered, be fed on paper. This is one of the most important discoveries of the cen- tury and one which the Government would do well to note. If instead of treating the snails—who date their oc- cupancy of this country coincidentally with the red men —with contumely as is the custom of the American People, a reservation were set aside for them in some place especially adapted to their rapidity of manner—and why not Phila- delphia ?—it is not to be doubted that they would fully appreciate the courtesy and would, furthermore, furnish Congress with a market for the fast accumulating files of the Congressional Record. comicbooks.com