Life, 1884-12-18 · page 7 of 16
Life — December 18, 1884 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis of Life Magazine Page 349 The main illustration shows a crowd of formally dressed men in awkward, suspicious groupings. The caption "They Stand in Awkward and Suspicious Groups" and accompanying narrative describe young men awaiting notification about their admission to an unnamed prestigious institution—likely a university or professional school. The story focuses on Tommy McElroy, who anxiously awaits news of his acceptance. The satire mocks the anxious waiting period and the arbitrary institutional processes that determine young men's futures, with particular attention to how rejection devastates applicants. The text also includes Orlando Crank's philosophical poem "Wherefore," a mock-serious meditation on suffering and debt, adding satirical commentary on youth, ambition, and financial hardship. The overall piece satirizes institutional gatekeeping and young male social anxiety.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THEY STAND IN AWKWARD “ Well, well, you are an excellent lawyer, but please give the | names and dates of the Lord Chancellors.” Some of the boys stare blankly and gloomily at their papers, others write off their answers as rapidly as if they had the book before them ; others gaze at the ceiling, as if they ex- pected it to divide and disclose to them the longed-for in- | formation. The proctors shuffle noiselessly around, regarded | by the boys as awful founts of learning. The furtive boy, who looks so often at his watch, has come | “too late into a world too old” to be caught with such chaff. His “crib” concealed in the case is promptly discov- ered. Tommy McElroy, seated behind the boy, sees with terror | the proctor seize him and carry him away. The two days are very hard for the poor “man;” his grammars are feverishly read that no information may escape WHEREFORE. | A STUDY IN METAPHYSICS. HY doth the blithesome maiden sing? Why doth the boy love pie ? Why do we care for anything, Since we are born to die? Wherefore does sorrow make us fret, Or sin provoke a sigh ? Why should we worry o'er a debt ?— Our creditors must die. ‘Tis best to scorn all human ills With sound philosophy ; : And, if we cannot pay our bills, Remember we can die. ORLANDO CRANK. AND SUSPICIOUS GROUPS. him ; he awakes at night with a start, dreaming that he has been rejected. But, like everything human, it has an end, and when his name is called, he goes to the President's office, to find out whether he is admitted, with a- thumping heart. He meets | Jamie coming out, with a paper in his hand, smiling cruelly. “ They say that none but those rejected are going in now, McElroy. I got in clear," says Jamie. Tommy pushes him aside and sidles into the august pres- ence. “You will get your conditions off in the fall,” said the dignified President, not unkindly. And there are seven of them ; another would have rejected | him. He takes his paper, leaves the'room, and going down-stairs, contrives to elbow Jamie violently against a hat-rack. A SUGGESTION. UR artist offers the young and eligible ladies of society a suggestion which they would do well to note. If the marriageble youths of the period—we say youths irre- spective of age—were compelled to adopt the measure set forth in the picture, how many serious errors might be averted, It would not be a bad idea to urge the maidens themselves to do something of the sort and when making their débuts send out prospectuses to the gentlemen, so that the too trustful youth may also have some safeguard from matrimonial accidents. These measures adopted, the millen- ium—in marriages at least—would fast approach, and the in- cipient band of divorce lawyers be nipped in the bud. STOLEN BREAKFAST—Poached eggs. comicbooks.com