Life — August 7, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

82 “ He will not eat peas with his knife, nor tuck his napkin nto his collar, nor say ‘ ma‘am,’ nor pick his teeth at the table, nor talk politics, nor drink up the water in his finger bowl. Oh, there are a thousand ways of testing him—and then—then he's so handsome!” “ Emily!" exclaimed G. G., irritably, “if we do get him in hereto dine with us, you will be required to keep your blue eyes on your plate.” They sent out and had him in. they could make. was Johnson, It was the only reparation Of course he was highly indignant, and so Emily got in some good work, however, with those eyes of hers, and he was pacified, as the din- ner went on. At the end of it all, and after all of Emily's tests had been applied, G. G. thought it very doubtful whether Hollis was a gentleman. In talking it over afterward with Emily and others, the old 60% vvant contended that he was not, because, 1. He raved so over the little insignificant mistake of G. G. 2. He drank too much wine. 3. He bullied the waiter. EVIDENCE. Clergyman (on his way from church, to the son va @ pa- rishoner, rather addicted to hunting on Sunday): TLE BOY, I DIDN'T SEE YOUR FATHER AT CHURCH THIS MORNING; I AM AFRAID HE DOES NOT FEAR GOD, Young Heathen: Ou, YES, | GUESS HE DOES; HE TOOK HIS GUN WITH HIM THIS MORNING. | give up your seat to a lady. fy LiT- | - LIFE: 4. He tipped over a bottle of Margaux into G. G.’s lap. 5. He insisted on talking only of himself. 6. He made himself generally disagreeable. Poor G. G. was so bored that he silently wished the refined young Bostonian to the d——I a dozen times. The charming Emily, however, was all smiles. They say that the 7res Beau and she are still at Mt. Desert. Johnson returned to England last week. Instead of a valet merely, after his trying experience he has swung out as a much enfeebled valet-dude-an’nary'un. He is down on American ‘siety. CHARLES GUNWALE. A BEASTLY hole—the bear pit. Goop form—uniform. SAGE advice—“ put " and do n't “call” too often. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. [KNICKERBOCKER CLUB: The adoption of the sin- gle eye-glass by your associates is to be commended for two reasons. It may enable them to “know beans when the bag 's open,” and as a covering for the naked eye will be a great protection in winter. Vassar Girl: It is not proper to speak of “the solid North.” Chicago, parting his hair over one ear, derides Bos- ton, who parts his in the middle; while Deadwood, who does n't part his at all, calls Chicago a servile worshipper of English customs. Who shall say that we are a nation ? Young Voter: The hardest setback the Independent movement has received is in Harlem, where a goat that has eagerly devoured the 7?mes ever since it was started, has eschewed it and subsists entirely on the 7rzbune. Tomato- cans, with portraits of the Republican candidates on them, | have met with an enthusiastic reception in that vicinity. Fifty-seventh street; You were quite right in refusing to ride on the load of furniture when your mother moved up from Washington Place. People might have taken you for an expressman, and then, a gentlemen never makes an ex- hibition of himself, as you well say. By the way, how ad- mirably you blew the horn coming down the avenueyester- day. Everybody saw you and wondered at it. Chesterfield: There is no reason why you should always If she is over twenty, she is old enough to stand alone, and as for nurses and washerwomen, everybody knows that they are never tired. If the young lady is pretty and showily dressed, you will notice that gentle- men invariably rise when she enters a car. There appears to be some subtile connection between beauty and bodily fatigue that can be discerned by the masculine mind only. Serentist: The laws of nature are not immutable. We saw an English sparrow blush the other day, and shall not be at all surprised to hear that water has run up-hill, or that the moon has risen in the West. comicbooks.com