Life, 1884-07-31 · page 13 of 16
Life — July 31, 1884 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Content Analysis This page contains a short satirical story (signed H.L.S.) about an inventor pitching a dubious patent—a device that produces electric light when you strike your shin against a rocking chair. The humor lies in the absurdity: the "solution" creates an impractical contraption to address mundane household mishaps (accidentally giving babies shoe polish, struggling to light lamps). The inventor buttonholes strangers trying to secure investment, a recognizable type of 19th-century patent charlatan. Below the story is a poem titled "How Old?" (by R.J. Burdette) that humorously plays on the deceptive longevity of entertainers—questioning whether famous performers like "Mary Anderson" (likely the actress) and "boy-preacher Harrison" are actually as young as they claim, with punchlines revealing they performed decades earlier. The remainder is advertising for books and commercial products typical of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE “My friend,” I replied, “it is too true. Your very des- cription of ithas awakened many painful memories and caused my shins, even now in broad daylight, to experience a kind of alonely sensation that is not at all comfortable. I think, moreover, that I ‘catch on’ your idea. You have, I suppose, | patented a rocking-chair with a match-box attached, or a Jumbo match-box on rockers, so that if you must strike one, you are dound to hit the other, is that it?” “Not exactly,” he said, for he had regained his breath ; “T have invented an arrangement by which the contact be- tween a vulnerable and sensitive masculine shin and the sharp end of a white-ash rocker will produce such a brilliant electric light, that you will be spared the painful apprehension of | giving the baby a teaspoonful of Nubian Shoe-polish in mis- take for paregoric, or of spending eight minutes in trying to scratch a light from a wooden toothpick, and then sitting down wearily on the upholstered corner of an iron-bound trunk. Now, I could perfect my patent if you, for a half interest, would advance two hundred dollars, and—” “Harlem train,” announced the gateman. “All aboard,” shouted the guard, and as the train started, I looked out of a window and saw the eloquent inventor button-holing an old gentleman and again beginning his harangue. H.L.S. A COUNTRY-seat—the milking stool. THE pole rail—the telegraph-wirer nuisance. RENDER: VNTO SCISSORS THOSE THINGS WHICH ARE SCISSORS - HOW OLD? ee OW old is Mary Anderson H That people call her queen ? Is she, like good Victoria, One hundred and thirteen ?” “Oh! no; my son, about as old As I was at her age ; But people never grow who go Play-acting on the stage.” “And the ‘ boy-preacher,’ Harrison, Is he so youthful, then ? And does he wear short jackets now Like me and Cousin Ben ?” “Oh! no; my son, although his age Is rather hard to fix ; I heard him preach in Louisville In eighteen forty-six.” “And the ‘ child violinist,’ then, ‘The youngest star alive ?” ‘Great Scott ! he played with Ole Bull In eighteen twenty-five.” —R. J. Burdette, HENRY HOLT & CO., N.Y., HAVE READY The Baby's Grandmother By L, B. Walford, author of “* Mr. Smith.” LATE DEALERS IN r6mo, Leisure Hour Series, $1.00 ; Leisure Moment Series, 30 cents. No. 719 SIXTH AVE., Among the Chosen. GRADY & McKEEVER, RENNER & COMPANY, FINE ARTS. Designers and Manufacturers ot EVERY DESCRIPTION OF PICTURE New York. FACTORY, 218 W. 42d STREET. — Cavanagh, Sanford & Co., Merchant Tailors and Importers, 16 West 23d STREET, FRAMES. Opposite 5th Ave. Hotel, NEW YORK. All the latest London Fabrics regularly imported. An American Novel. 16mo (American Novel Series, No. 5), $1.00. Dio Lewis's Monthly is the grandest Magazine we have ever seen.” Normal Teacher & Examiner, “Send 6 cents in stamps for a sample copy Dio Lewis's Monthly $2.50 per year. 25 cents a copy. For SALE By ALL DEALERS. Agents wanted. Send for terms. FRANK SEAMAN, Publisher, 542 BROADWAY, ASKIN OF BEAsAT IE A308 FOREVER. rT, Fel Oriental Cream’ or Magical Beautifier PURIFIES aswellas Boautifios tho Skin. No other commetic will doit, A Sarcs slates lay of 0} the hautton (a commen {Recast harmful ofall te Skt Droperstio He will inst six. months, using it Ae ove be New York. ! ones GEORGE MATHER’S SONS, é:| PRINTING [NK, 60 Joun St., New York. This paper is printed with our cut ink. oss’s MER OVAL gn gan MANUFACTORY BELFAST IRELAND “AN ‘Aempeosg z& ‘ssOu ‘H AUNFTH comicbooks.com