Life — June 26, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

362 under any pretense. Audiences will not be allowed with family. Visitors. In this way attention will not be distracted from the cultivation or rehabiliation of music, and the embroidery of deferred conjugal slippers. There is no insurance. But, then, wives are not given up until the storage is paid. When you return to town you may, if desired, present your check (both kinds) and get your wife. It is expected that married men will by this arrangement lessen their expenses by one-half. Messrs. Toofunny and other prominent jewelers and decorators have petitioned the Assembly against the establishment of this institution as prejudicial to their business interests. But the public will have it. NXIOUS READER :—The initials you saw on the banner may have various meanings. For instance, “‘ Jay Gould's Boom,” or “ Jim's Grand Bounce,” or ‘‘ Jorge Geones’ Boy.” Your question is hard to answer, certainly. Perhaps it may refer to the next President, but we rather opine it don’t, as that gentleman is not likely to sign his name with a James. Emicrant.—“ One of the Finest” before his wings sprout. ASSING through Union Square Mr. Gubbins’ eye was attracted by the sign “ Lincrusta Walton.” “Why?” he exclaimed, “ that must be where that man they call the ‘ Plunger’ lives.” A PROMINENT EX ON THE COMING CAM- PAIGN. HILE I was in Boston last week engineering the bolt I met ex-Governor Butler hdbnobbing with his life-long friend, Senator Hoar. He greeted me cordially and invited me to dine with him, which invitation I, as your own experience will teach you, accepted at once, The ex-Governor sets a very fine table for his guests, his silver service presented to him as a token of admiration by a Southern City during the war, being one of the handsomest I have ever seen. A peculiarity of the ex-Gubernatorial feast is the entire ab- sence of game of any sort. ‘fhe anti-monopoly champion apolo- - LIFE Sone ‘ dondresesy y ava ‘f gized for this, explaining that he has never allowed game on his table since an eventful day in 1883 when he ate crow out of season, Mr. Butler seemed loath to enter into.a discussion concerning politics, but after a few gentle hints with straws in them he be- came more than usually loquacious. “What do I think of Blaine ?” said he, repeating the question [put tohim. ‘‘ Well, my opinion of James is that, all modesty aside, he is only second in pure cussedness and general kickup- arowativeness to Mr. Benjamin Franklin Butler, Esq., late Gov- ernor of Massachusetts, LL.D. from Williams College, and owner of a large collection of small but select booms. In other words, Blaine’s a hummer, but I’m——” Here he went into an adjoining room, and donning a Brigadier’s full uniform, re- turned, saying, ‘* But I’m a corker ! !” He seemed delighted at my silent acquiescence, and con- tinued : “I’m everybody's friend, and my friends will all vote for me. The only trouble is I’m the friend of more people than there are people who are friends of mine, whereby I may get left. But we'll see ; we'll see. ‘‘Why, do you know how many candidates I am? In the words of the poet, young man, ‘I are seven!’ If all my parties vote for me, I can carry z# ¢ofo two States and a lunatic asylum, and if in addition to this I can scoop a solid South, where do I land! There’s my card, young man. B. F. BUTLER, White House. “That’s me next year /F / /” “« Mean little word, isn’t it, Mr. Butler !” ‘I can see exactly how things are going to be next year. You fellows who attend to the whooping-up part of the campaign, love to dwell on the diversity of my eyes. It’s true, I can see round a corner without any trouble, and to stab a man in the back with a glance when he is on the other side of a pine fence is the work of a moment. And yet I cannot see through a millstone when there’s a hole in it, and Boston people say I don’t know beans !” Here the great man wept! And as he wept I noticed a most peculiar phenomenon. The tears which emanated from his right eye coursed down his left cheek, and those from his left eye moistened the bald spot over his brain ! Verily, he is a wonderful man !