Life — June 19, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

- LIFE: Mr. Churchpillar: Do you. KNOW WHERE LITTLE BOYS GO TO WHO PLAY BALL ON THE SABBATH DAY? Small Boy: BETCHER UFE WE DO. Dey GOES OVER TER HOBOKEN, CASE DE COPS NAB ’EM IF DEY PLAY HERE. IF YER WANT TER SEE A RATTLIN’ GOOD GAME, COME OVER WID US, AND BE UMPIRE, she found that the congregation consisted of a multi- tude of ladies and two old gentlemen asleep with their mouths open. And so she passed a delightful hour studying the bonnets of the other ladies, and the clergyman got through the service as quickly as ever he could, for the spring medicine he was taking was too strong for him and made him feel “heady.” And so when the service was over and the congre- gation was slowly passing adown the aisles, Mrs. Van Dyke-Robertson espied an old friend, and they took one another by both hands and “Oh, you dear,” and “where have you been?” and “I’m so delighted !” and “ Why have n’t you called ?” and no end of cooing and gurgling, and then Mrs, Van Dyke-Robertson fell a step behind in order to get a good look at her friend’s costume, and then a hard glitter came into her eye, and her face became set and drawn, and her heart was filled with jealousy and envy as she realized that her friend’s suit had a style—a certain “ Paris touch ”"—that her own had not. And so she went home to lunch, and “ had it out” with her husband as to whether or no she was to pat- ronize the French Mecca, and she got worsted in the encounter, and went up-stairs and wept and spanked the children all around, and finally settled down to a novel, with no end of lovely murders in it. And Mr. Van Dyke-Robertson went off to his club, and from thence to asacred concert, where they played and sang the music of one Offenbach. And so the holy day was ended. R.K. BOOMLETS. HE N.Y. World would do well to preserve the picture of Mr. Blaine which ornamented its first page the morning after that gentleman’s nomination. In the event of Mr. Blaine’s election, it will come handy three years hence as a map of the seat of war. * * * The Philadelphia Ca// prints the following: HIS PECULIARITY. IRST Delegate (in Palmer House dining room)—Do you know George William Curtis by sight? Second Delegate—No, I do not. I should like very much to see the old gentlemen. Just then a voice from the opposite table said: ‘©Waiter, bring me a glass of water.” And the two delegates exclaimed with one accord: “That must be Mr. Curtis.” +, * * IED, Friday, June 6th, 1884, of Prematurity, Boom, only chance of Chester A. Arthur. Funeral private. Friends are kindly requested to let it drop. * * * 66 HE Bob-o-Link must give way to the Roaring Eagle. Robert T, L-n-in.” * * * O all whom it may concern: By Act of Convention I have changed my name and shall be hereafter known as Too- Too Platt. Yours Toorooly, Me Too. * * * OULD N’T some respectable ice-company like to buy me? I feel considerably below par and am willing to sell out cheap. . ‘ OF Edmunds. R. BLAINE and his friends don’t like to boast, so they tell us, but they feel certain that even if Mr. Blaine loses New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, the South, North, East and West, he still has personal magnetism enough about him to shoot him head first into the White House. * * * HIS talk about Blaine and Gould is too absurd; of course Gould approves of Blaine. Why, it is easy enough to see. Mr. Gould wants some of Mr. Blaine’s magnetism for his Telegraph Company. ‘ é ESIDES Mr. Gould being a rich man can afford to hold a large amount of stock in so cheap acorporation as the Plumed Knight. We forget exactly how much it was, but Mr. Blaine sold out pretty cheap some years ago. * * * HOSE old lines should be changed to read: I come from Fable Mountain And my name is lootful James! * * * READER of the N. Y. Zribune sayshe now knows what “intense enthusiasm” means. It consists of four men, two boys and a spitz-dog around a stock ticker. At least that was the size of the “intense enthusiasm” at the Fifth “Avenue Hotel when the recent nominations were an- nounced. comicbooks.com