Life — May 29, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-LIFE: I.—Tue Starr. 1. Having well oiled and buckled on your skates, grasp the guardrail firmly with the left hand, and totter feebly toward the floor. 2. Glance approving- ly at the old and corpulent gen- tleman trying to pick himself up from the middle of the floor. 3. Let both feet roll suddenly out. 4. Sit down. This evolution is very easy, and is generally acquired the first lesson. ¥ THE START. II.—Tue Pvain Fatt, This movement is de- servedly popular with those who have not yet mastered the fancy steps. 1. Strike out boldly, as with determination to go a mile in 2:30. When fair- ly under way, 2, throw up both hands, at the same time cutting a flab dab with the left foot in the rear. 3. Let the body incline rapidly backward until the main portion of the weight is sustained by the back of the head. 4. Lie there until every- body has seen you and laughed. & THE PLAIN FALL, III.—Tue Fancy Fat. This requires a partner, but he or she need not be an acquaintance. Choose any one not much more skillful than yourself, and 1. Approach him or her rapidly. 2. Throw out your left foot so as to lock with his or her right. 3. THES FANCY FALL: Both claw convulsively at the air and at each other. 4. Sit or lie down. 5. Pile other skaters over you, three deep. IV.—Tue Nasav GLipe. This beautiful movement is easy, and cannot fail to attract attention. It is best performed when going a high rate of speed, and when turning a corner. x. Let both feet glide sudden- ly outward in opposite direc- tions. They will soon reach their limit, and then, 2, throw the body rapidly for- ward, hands and arms well elevated, until the bridge of the nose is firmly in contact with the floor. 3. Skate quickly without changing this position, until friction of the nose diminishes the momentum. THE NASAL GLIDE. V.—THE SEDENTARY SURPRISE. This simple figure always excites pleasurable emo- tions in those who behold it well done. 1. While conversing with a friend in the middle of the floor, bring both feet suddenly to the level of the 305 ed head, so that the entire body assumes the shape ofa V. 2. Let gravitation get in its fine ‘ work, fetching up on the floor with a bump like a bass drum. VI.—TuHE AMATEUR’s SMILE. This really difficult feat is one which must be acquired before any of the foregoing evo- lutions can be successful. Un- less a skater smile as he sits or lies down suddenly, there are those who will think or say he did it acci- dentally. Such is the perversity of human nature. The smile therefore is a necessary safeguard against invidious comment, which no skater should be without. It is considered difficult to smile when the eyes are full of water and the soul full of grief, but practice renders it possible. The best way to acquire the Ama- teur’s smile is to sit down sud- denly on an Indian club while it is being swung vigorously by an athlete, and then draw up the cor- ners of the mouth until the pro- per expression is obtained. A small hand mirror will enable you to see when the exact smile plays upon the mouth. Standing on a railway and letting an express train steal softly over you while you keep the lines of the smile unaltered, is also most excellent practice. Altogether, roller skating is a healthful exercise, for, as long as a man is able to skate, he is able to stand anything from a tunnel collision to a dynamite misun- derstanding. THE SEDENTARY SURPRISE THE AMATEUR’S SMILE. ON HER EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY. 9 WAS years and years ago, When thou, without a thought, Unto the chamber of my heart didst flee ; And then—dost thou not know ? Art still as yet untaught ? The doors I locked, and threw away the key. “Look at that doggie with the long nose!" said young Miltiades at the menagerie. “What’s that called ?” “That,” replied his mother, “is an ant-eater.” “ An ant-eater,” he repeated thoughtfully. “ Then, I wish they ’d feed him on Uncle Jack’s wife, ’cause she didn’t give me any birthday present.” Almost everybody has seen a cat nip, but few have heard a lamb poon. A BILL of lading.—A bill of fare,