Life — May 1, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE 3 KANSAS CITY, MO. More gorgeous scenery. Persons from the East will be given a day off under the charge of an experienced guide. No Indians nor Buffaloes yet! Be patient ! COLORADO, Of this great State, one-third is rolling prairie, car- peted with nutritious buffalo grass. The train will stop in the middle of the State to allow persons from the East to look around. Indians, buffaloes, prairie- dogs and samples of the atmosphere will be furnished passengers to send home, for which coupons will be detached as per order. fk NEW MEXICO, A PRAIRIE, The home of Aztecs, Toctees or Tezucans ; samples furnished as before. As the party ascends through the “ Swing-’em-up ” Pass the charming idyl associa- ated with this region and known to all persons from the East, viz.: “ Boost-me-up’s Last Twirl,” will be read aloud by a consumptive conductor who travels with us for his board. Along the valley of the Rio Grande agriculture is carried on in the most primitive ways by Mexicans and Indians, z. ¢., the Mexicans raise a little wheat, the Indians steal it, the Mexicans kill the Indians, and then the Indian chiefs have their ex- penses paid to Washington, where they are prayed with by Commissioner Price. For which information coupons will be detached as per order. Sit A HORSE-RACE IN NEW MEXICO, ARIZONA Comprises 113,916 sq. miles, 421 sq. ft. and 16% sq. inches. We stop a sufficient time to breakfast at Yuma. Here many specimens of the Indian races are to be seen (coupons detached as per order). The Yumas preserve their primitive style of dress, which is a cross between that of Lydia Thompson and Oscar Wilde Sick clergymen who have their wives with them will be given further information in the baggage car when the train starts. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. Debilitating atmosphere becomes more so, and the price of whiskey rises. Gorgeous scenery. We are gradually approaching “the loveliest region of the whole wide world, Hoop-la! We speed through orange groves, vineyards, glorious sunsets, rarified at- mospheres, herds of gazelles, dirty Indians, invalids, Trappers of the Far West, and many other interesting objects imported for this party, for which coupons will be detached as though nothing were happening. At this stage of the trip another magnificent new roller- towel will be placed near the mirror in the wash-room. For the rest of the trip Philips Brooks’ sermons can be 249 heard by telephone in the smoking car. Breakfast will be served while in Southern California. By the Author of “ Berrer Tu1ncs Tuan Tus,” etc., etc. ane Kae FOREST SCENE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA, Lire Insurance.—A game at which you can only win with death for a partner. URING the afternoon and evening of April 29th there is to be a “ Kirmess” at the Metropolitan Opera House, for the benefit of patients in the New York Skin and Cancer Hospital. It is an excellent cause ; the names connected with it are among the best known in the city and there is no doubt of its being a most brilliant affair. It is seldom New Yorkers have a better opportunity of doing good than in the one which is here offered them; to say nothing of its being a most delightful way of showing oneself a philanthropist. Go, and spend lots of money. History.—A romance of truth and an apology for kings. NOTES ON THE COMING CAMPAIGN. BY OUR SPECIAL CANDIDATE REPORTER. OUR correspondent called upon his excellency Rutherford B. Hayes a few days ago and found him in his usual state of hilarity, He seemed pleased to welcome me and upon my asking whether he intended to enter the lists in the coming cam- paign, replied_that he would not go home until morning. “When you speak of Home, Mr. Hayes, do you refer to the White House ?” “Heaven is his home !” said a deep bass voice, of undoubted female origin, at my side, and turning to” see whence it came I recognized the lineaments of the only lady who has ever occupied our Presidential Chair. She, with a glance at the tired but happy ex-statesman, advised him to “walk it off,” which he, after enquiring as to the whereabouts of his ‘ next-morning- extra-sized-derby,” proceeded to do, leaving a parting injunction to the landlord to fill the flowing bowl until it did run over. Rutherford gone, I was ubout to interview the lady, but an uproar without caused her to hasten away. Rutherford had unconsciously been drawn into an unseemly wrangle with a lawn- mower, much to the detriment of his personal appearance. In the absence of better material I inquired of a promising youth of tender years who happened to be present, whose father he was. He replied : ‘‘ Pa says I’m a son of a Gambolier, but I ain’t; I’m Ma's boy, and she ain’t any Gambolier. I’m named after Pa’s Cabinet, I am. They don’t call me by my full name, though. Ma says life ’s too short to rattle off that old crowd every time she wants me, so she calls me Salvation Army Hayes one day and Anything-To-Beat-Grant Hayes the next.” comicbooks.com