Life — May 1, 1884 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: SEASODABLE. Oo" dever go a Bayi’g Uddil the bodth of Jude. Despite the poeds’ sayi’g, You 'll fide id is too sood. The daffodil and padsy Your eye will dever spy. The wild sage and the tadsy Are sdill a liddle shy. Although the ladscape pleases, You'd bedder sday ad hobe, And save a week of sdeezes From bordi’g to the gloab. Thed dever goa Bayi’g Uddil the bodth of Jude. Despite the poeds’ sayi’g, You'll fide id budge too sood. cc. S. In the education of the children of the period, fathers and mothers are apparently applying the prin- ciples of Mr. Blaikie’s book, “Sound Bodies for Boys and Girls.” Our most vivid recollections lead us to conjecture that the advice which our parents must have followed was “Sound Spankings for our Boys and Girls,” and published in weekly instalments at that. Ar THE Batt (time midnight). — Mr. Croesus (soliloquising).—“If I’d known it was going to be anything like this I’d have brought some lunch with tae.” Asput Aziz should. be known to fame as Abdul Azizn't. A TOUCH OF PURITANISM. HE Sun, in a recent issue, thus comments on a hideous and vice-provoking evil which seems to be gaining a foothold in our midst : “There is much crime and of many sorts in this town, but perhaps none is more dangerous to the public morals or can cause more fractures of the public peace than the heinous and deadly variety which has lately been exposed by the Society for the Prevention of Crime. Persons who take the air, either for secular amusement or on their way to church, of a Sunday, have noticed with horror that flowers are for sale by venders, some of whom, we regret to say, are pretty, on the Fifth avenue and upper Broadway. There is something about flowers which is offensive to many virtuous and well-disposed citizens, or we may be sure that nobody in the Society for the Prevention of Crime would have complained to the Police Department about the flower sellers. It is dispiriting to notice that the Police Department is not inclined to put down Sunday flowers and flower sellers. The Society for the Prevention of Crime should publish a pamphlet showing the noxious and demoralizing effect of flowers. The public is not educated on the subject as yet.” TWO -FOR- MYSELF -AND-ONE-FOR- YOU’S VACATION EXCURSIONS. TWO GRAND SPRING TRIPS. A Sojourn of Two Months at the Elegant, Health and Pleasure and Profit and No-Expense-Spared Resort, the Hotel Free Monte ; including the Sans-Souris at Santa Barbara ; the Couvertures-Courtes at Bloody Gulch ; the Puces-Curienses at Painted Post, or the Palace Hotel, San Francisco. Return tickets may be used or not at the option of the purchaser. O much is already known of these famous tours that we will devote a small octavo volume to a mjnute explanation of them. WESTWARD HO! THE RAILWAY JOURNEY. 1. Each person will have a double sleeping-berth wholly to himself or herself, or vice versa. The same berths will be retained throughout the journey, and un- pleasant changes will thus be prevented. Over a large portion of the route, west of the Missouri River, the trains will be run at arate of speed calculated to operate favorably upon those of the passengers afflicted with insomnia. On the other side of the Rocky Mountains the rate of speed will be increased according to the degree of convalescence of the passengers. In all cases where stops for meals are made orthodox clergy- men and deacons will be provided with corkscrews. FROM BOSTON TO CHICAGO. The preliminary part of the journey will lie through a snow storm and the Hoosac Tunnel. Supper will be furnished in beans and lined with pie at Greenfield. Breakfast will be had on the Suspension Bridge, the idea being to get the meals and the sight-seeing as much mixed up as possible. ie Tl @ SBE Te CHICAGO, FROM THE EAST. CHICAGO. The party will arrive at Chicago Saturday ; the Boston passengers will not know the next day is Sun- day, because Prof. Swing will lecture and all the beer saloons will be open. All the horse-car lines, omni- buses, cable railways and suburban trains will radiate from the hotel where the party stops. FROM CHICAGO TO KANSAS CITY. The gorgeous scenery will continue as usual. From this time on E. E. Hale’s Double will hold reviews each Sunday in the wash room at the end of the car; there will be room for all. At this stage of the journey another magnificent new roller towel will be placed near the mirror at the end of the car and coupons will be detached for its use as per order. a BOAT RACE ON THE MISSISSIPPI. comicbooks.com odsuutewsa nan item