Life — April 24, 1884 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR ANGLOMANIACS AT WORK. Huntin (!) THE Fox. Ms . | look. Next, plant the centre bed and borders with | rose, lilac and syringa bushes. If you bury at the | roots of each bush a handful of charcoal and a bald- headed, back-fence Thomas cat, the blossoms will be | more numerous and the neighborhood more peaceful. | Should you not care to spend much money on it, the charcoal may be omitted. . H. L. S. A PREHISTORIC jester—The dry(o)pithecus. Ir a man weighs one hundred and fifty pounds, one hundred and eleven pounds of that weight will be water. " Dio Lewis. This is undoubtedly true of New Yorkers; but in Boston about one hundred and ten pounds of that weight will be beer. Tue spirit of the age—Whiskey. Motto for kissing parsons—£ pluribus unum. THE ST. PATRICK CLUB SECURES TEMPORARY HEADQUARTERS. FTER much preliminary correspondence between the lead- ing members of the Irish Colony of Ashtown, the St. Patrick Club had been organized with Jimmie McGarrity as President. The supporters of Contractor Bragen had ‘comprom- ised with the McCue party, and after several coat-tails had been trodden upon with more or less disastrous results McGarrity was chosen. The compromise candidate was placed in a very un- comfortable position, as he was the choice of no one, although ostensibly the choice of every one, and he always felt when in the chair as if one of Rossa’s mysterious dynamited valises slumbered beneath it. Owing to the demoralized condition of Mr. McCue's residence, the first meeting of the association was held in a vacant lot sheltered from the winds which blew across from Guttenberg by the projecting ruggedness of Goat Cliff. Mrs. McCue appeared on the scene just as her lord and master rose to speak on the advantages of Tipperary Alley over Mc- | Garrity Hall as a place of meeting. The lady, with a haughty toss of her head, walked into the middle of the assembly and said : ‘ Talkin’ aboot a matin’-house is it yez are? Bad luck to.yez ! Whin Oi seen the lasht wan av yez shkippin’ doon the front shtoop av moi house lasht moonth, afther havin’ such a kaloory, Oi sez to Barney, sez Oi, ‘ Thim kyar droivers an’ poipe workers wul niver git anoother phwack at moi bricky-brack.’ The lasht toime yez met in moi parlyer yez wazent satuswhied wid smashin’ the piany an’ Frinch goold clock an the boofay, but had ter busht in the whole soide av the manshun, so that the pig phwat shlept in the dhrawin’ room tuk the nooralgy that bad that he doid widin sivin days afther. Besoides that, shmall Jakey, me dar- lint bye, the terror av ivery goat in the disthrict, waz sint ter Glory boi the picther av Misther Parnell which waz afther fallin’ an ‘im fram arf the peg whayre it hoong an the wall abuv the dear bye’s crib. Bad cess ter these cloobs, onyhow, Oi sez. The pig waz worrth sivin dolliars, ivery cint, an’ it carst foive dolliars more far marnin’ close, the bye bein’ dead, ter say nothin’ av the fun’ral axpinses. Ab, but phwat a fun’ral that waz! Thayre waz me an’ Barney an’ the bye in the box perceded the perces- sion ; thin came little Jake’s two goats led wid a sthring boy a Nagur, hoired far fifty cints; thin the rilatives in foor kyaridges, an’ thin tin impty kyaridges fram the luvery shtable. Faith, phwen Oi saw Biddy Bragen lukin’ out av her winder, that invious that she broke a blud vissil, Oi arlmost fargave the Cloob far thayr fraydom wid moi fam'ly, so Oi did. But Oi didn’t fargive yez, nor Oi won't as long as the mimory av that sivin’- dolliar pig remains to comfort me ould age. As far ye gintlemin, ye’d betther go home wid yez an’ be afther betther biznis than