Life — April 24, 1884 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

* LIFE: WHICH? Y curses be upon you, You fickle April sky ; For while your rain drips down my neck Your sun shines in my eye. I know not which I ought to do, To laugh with you or cry. To take my Summer duster And Summer palm-leaf fan, Or buy a rubber overcoat— Which is the better plan? Each morning have I tried to guess ; Alas ! I never can, O. 0. O. THE PROPOSED IMMORTALS. Editor Lire : i. a SIR—Seeing that you have postponed con- ferring your boon of immortality (at wholesale) | for another week, I am emboldened to send you my own list, which I hope you will find it possible to in- clude in your final count. Strictly speaking, there is, to my mind, but oxe literary “ Immortal” in this coun- try ; still I am liberal, and send enough names to com- plete the batch. Here they are: Myself, P. T, Barnum, The Sweet Singer of Miss Keller (of Louisi- Michigan, ana), Sylvanus Cobb, Jr., Proctor Knott, Editor Saturday Night, Hon. W. F. Cody, ex-officio, Ella Wheeler, Augusta J. Evans, Harrigan (and Hart), Author of “Don't,” Author of “ Beautiful Uncle Remus, Snow,” Bartley Campbell, * Geo. W. Peck, Oliver Optic, A. R. Cazauran, Mrs, Southworth, Myself, Billings, Bob Ingersoll, . Roe, Mrs. Holmes, ia Pinkham, Talmage, Yours fraternally, Tue AuTHOR oF “ THE BREADWINNERS.” P. S.—If there should be a few less than forty, after all, you are at liberty to use my name three or four times more. B. W. Tony Pastor, Mrs. Ann L, Stephens, Myself, H. V. Poor, Bartley Hubbard, T. B. Arthur, Monsieur Cazauran, Sammy Cox, Hostetter, M. Quad, Miss S. Banthony, Myself, Myself, Myself. Tue Connecticut legislature has settled it. was introduced a short time ago to tax geese and bachelors, and was opposed by a Mr. Harrison, who said that there already was a bill taxing geese, and aman who had lived a bachelor to the age of thirty would come under it. A bill Morro of the Elevated Railroad—Carpe dime. Mapam (in horror): ‘“ Mercy on us, Bridget, what have you been doing?” Bridget (returning from the cellar with her hands full of lobsters’ claws : “ Howly Virgin protect us! I have just killed one of the biggest cockroaches, a-° crawlin’ over yez cellar-bottom, that I iver see in me life!” | ECONOMICAL HOUSEKEEPING. HOUSEHOLD HINTS. This column will be devoted entirely to the interests of Reliable information for the guidance of young mothers and housekeepers will be * supplied by a lady of experience and ability. HILDREN should never be allowed to criticise what is put before them toeat. If they call their Oolong “ Chinese wash,” or remark “ Darn that stuff !” simply because the boiled rice makes its ninth successive appearance on the table, give them nothing else to eat or drink for a week. At the end of that time even bread pudding will be hailed with delight, and you will be able to work off any amount of it on them without hearing a murmur, A very comfortable arm chair can be made out of an old flour barrel. Saw the barrel half through, at almost the middle, remove the staves, and fit in a nice round seat; then add two arms. You will thus have a chair-like arrangement, with a solid body and low back. Then get the upholsterer to cushion and tuft it for you, and cover the whole with red silk plush. The edges can be ornamented with large gilt-headed tacks or tasseled fringe. In this way you can utilize empty barrels and economically add to your stock of easy chairs, Some mothers do not know what to do with the baby on the nurse’s “evening out.” Various plans of disposing of him have been suggested to us. One way is to put the kitten to bed with him, and then go to the theatre. This, however, has been objected to by Mr.Bergh, as being cruel to the kitten. Another method is to let his papa walk up and down the nurs- ery while he sings him to sleep in his arms ; this, how- ever, is bad for the baby’s morals as he is apt to pick up many strange and curious interjections from his father. The most popular method is to leave him alone up stairs with the door shut, while you drown any possible noise he might make by playing “ Baby Mine” on the piano in the parlor. A correspondent, “C. T.,” asks for directions for “bruising” a fowl. This seems to us a very simple matter. An inexpensive and home-like way would be to hold him firmly by one wing while you thumped him with a tack-hammer. If “C. T.” desires to be especially elegant, she might secure him with the sugar-tongs, and do the bruising with a copy of Ten- nyson’s poems. It would be more effectual to let the ambitious fowl challenge John L. Sullivan to three rounds, Marquis of Queensbury rules. These are but three of the forty different methods which occur to us. Use your brain, “C. T.,” use your brain. There is nothing more cheerless or distressing than an ill-kept and untidy back-yard, and now that spring is here they can all be transformed into flower-beds. In the first place, instead of having the house-painter give the fence a plain coat of white or gray, employ an artist to paint a landscape on it with trees, cliffs, streams, etc., and mountains in the distance. You have no idea how much larger this will make the yard comicbooks.com