Life — February 7, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

74 , SIR LEFEL GRIFFIN, K.C. 0. S.* ]_NicHT Commander of the Order of the Star Of India, you scintillate, you scar iz Philistia, where late a guest you were, But where your advent made no special stir ; We scarcely knew that in our chair you’d been Until therein we found your treacherous pin Most cunningly contrived to make us grin. But let the smartish libel serve its aim : To sound an obscure, bureaucratic name, And scare a bigger than your jungle game. Small wonder that a swinger of the lash O’er Indian shores should think us social hash Despair of Statesmen,” worshipers of Cash ; That British “ enterprise” should contemplate as bane Our sordid souls, our low, mean love of gain. You call us Russian—that ’s a compliment, Although we hope some subtle sneer was meant. ’T would almost seem a doubtful courtesy To liken us in any other way To England’s great and mortal enemy, Flushing with youth, and eager in her might To give the Lion his full of Eastern fight. In puling infancy we felt his paw, Yet managed, some way, to escape his maw ; For which he ’II hold us ever in disgrace— No more will switch his tail across our face, Or give the cheaper guerdon of a growl : We're left to fight his insects with a towel. But since your quill has pricked the Western fraud, No longer squirm, if oft ourselves we laud. You call us * Scum of Europe ;” you expose Our women—‘‘ 4// are not so fair as those Who dazzle princes,” in your humid clime, Yet—wonder !—'scape suspicion of a crime. And while we strive to be as churlish, mean, ‘As you insist you are, ‘ when closer seen We're small in soul and only great in size "— A hollow spectre frightening British eyes : Perhaps our fault is that our scare-crow play Has dread enough to keep a lion at bay. C. C. Burt. * See ** A Visit to Philistia,” in the January Fortnightly. Tue Best GARDEN Gait.—A walk, A CuHuRCH Fair.—The ‘daisy ” in the choir. A RING leader.—The conductor of a troupe of bell-ringers, CREPUSCULOUS. Amateur Tenor (just from Paris): AND HAVE You NEVER HEARD OF Gounop’s “ CREPUSCULE” ? Onmusical Young Lady: O prEaR! No, How DREADFUL; IS IT ANYTHING LIKE SPINAL MENIN- GITIS? SPECIAL ADVERTISEMENTS. U NDER the auspices of the Hon. the Secretary of her Majesty's bedroom and chambers, A few eldest sons of the first families of the United States will be received as pages in the lower benches of St. Andrew-on-the-Strand School. Terms, £80 for the first year of rz months. Every boy must bring a certificate signed by the English minister in Washington, or a sworn affidavit of the American ambassador in London. No son of a Northern Democratic politician actu- ally engaged in politics will be admitted. Apply in handwriting of father to the Hon. H. B. B. K,, Clarkenwell station, P. O., Windsor, England. AN English lady of unquestionable position, living in a Cathedral town will consent to receive into her family a young American girl desirous of finishing her education. Great pains will be taken to correct her American ac- cent, and the want of true polish of her American manners. Use of carriage and footman included. A very high price will be asked, and indubitable references of the American family will be required. Address, Rector of N.L. B. Academy, P. O. box 213, East Stratford, near Burlingham, England,